話說聘才出京之時，曾問元茂要帳，適值元茂赴通州去了。
元茂與孫氏昆仲都冒了順天籍貫，府縣考過了，到通州院考，租了寓，進了場。元茂遇見了舊日窗稿，是先生改好的，便直筆而抄之。這孫嗣徽如何會做文章？遇見一個同窗朋友，是個廩生，托其代請槍手。那人與他請了一個人，講定了八十兩銀子，寫了契約。在場內與孫嗣徽槍了兩文一詩。這個嗣元自己又不能作文，又沒有僱著槍手。不得已在卷子上一陣亂寫，不知寫了一篇什麼東西。發案之日，嗣徽、元茂竟進了。覆了試，元茂也還勉強得來，嗣徽仍是請人代做。到發落之日，忽然掛了一聲牌出來，上寫道：
查看宛平縣童生孫嗣元文卷，字體草率，一字兩格，方言俗語，雜字一篇，無兩字可連，無一句可講，是否係染狂疾，抑或是其本真，殊為可怪。仰通州知州協同宛平縣教諭，嚴為究問，以正功令，毋得混蒙徇縱。速，速！
元茂、嗣徽看了，也不知嗣元卷子上寫了什麼，嗣徽倒暗暗喜歡，與元茂進去叩見宗師。宗師見了元茂，倒也沒有講話。
孫嗣徽穿了藍衫皂靴，把那個紅糟臉擦得光亮，大搖大擺，踱上前去。宗師見了，覺得他與諸人不同，甚是可笑。見他名字與孫嗣元像是弟兄，使問道：「有個孫嗣元是你兄弟麼？」嗣徽道：「是門生舍弟。」文宗笑道：「你兄弟有什麼毛病麼？」
嗣徽隨口答應道：「舍弟有個截巴的毛病，說話愈急愈說不出，此其一。左眼皮高吊起，時時要流眼淚，此其二。若到門生說話，他即要駁起來，此其三。」文宗聽了，笑了一笑，諸生也要笑時，只得忍住。嗣徽得意洋洋的，把肩擺了一擺，自己看看腳上的皂靴。文宗正色問道：「你那兄弟的卷子，寫的並不是文章，是寫幾百個雜字，沒有半句可講，沒有兩字可連，是何緣故？這樣不通人，怎樣應過府縣考？或是近日得了疾病，所以如此呢，或是本來就是這樣？」嗣徽笑道：「若說舍弟有生之初，就有時而昏；有生之後，就無時而明。其府縣考之得以有名者，乃門生中也養不中，才也養不才，此舍弟之樂有賢父兄也。」諸生忍不住大笑。文宗把案一拍道：「胡說，你就是個瘋子，快下去罷！」嗣徽失驚，打了一恭，搖擺出來，諸生掩口胡盧，一齊告退了。
嗣徽上了馬，元茂坐了車，一同回寓，嗣元被州官叫了去了。卻又得了個喜信，亮功放了安徽鳳陽府。嗣徽心中大喜，就想回家，等著下科再花些銀子，找人槍一槍，就可以拔貢了，無奈為嗣元的文卷尚示問明，只得再待兩天。元茂得了一個秀才，也就心滿意足，如今又娶了親，心中一無牽掛。卻喜丈人與他父親同在一省，便可同了媳婦回去，在任樂幾年。也為嗣元之事未了，只好同著嗣徽守候。
那日飯後，元茂悶坐無聊，太陽也將落了，獨自逛出城來，到了運河邊。只見糧船如雲，還有些官船，大旗招展，好不熱鬧。那糧船艙裡，也有些婦女們，就望不清楚。把眼鏡擦了一擦戴上，沿著河堤慢慢的走去，只管東張西望。見那些賣西瓜的與賣桃兒的，還有賣牛肉的，賣小菜、豆腐的，擠來擠去，地下還有些測字攤子。還有那些縫窮婆，面前放下個筐子，坐在小凳上與人縫補。元茂望著一個縫窮的，堆著一頭黑髮，一個大髻子歪在半邊，插一枝紙花。雖然紫糖色臉，望去像二十幾歲的人，倒也少艾。兩眼只顧瞅著，慢騰騰走近去，不防一條纜子一絆，栽了一交，直跌到那個縫窮婆身上。那個縫窮婆正伸直兩條腿，交蹺著七寸長的花鞋，鞋口上捆了鮮紅的帶子。
見元茂跌來，吃了一驚，恐他跌到身上，急起身躲時，腿未站起，元茂已倒了過來，剛剛壓著了他。船上岸上的人見了，齊拍手笑起來。這一笑，把個李元茂臊得滿臉紫漲，把腳一伸，可可的中踹在爛泥裡，沒了力，左手撐著地，右手按著縫窮婆的腿，使勁一支，遂支了起來，沾了一襪子泥，偏偏衫子被篙子紮破了一塊。元茂滿面無光，怔了一回。
只見那縫窮婆抖著布衫，連說道：「這是怎麼說，走道兒會栽到人身上來！」元茂只得自認不是。那縫窮的尚要發作幾句，見元茂一身綢絹，像個旗丁模樣，又見他一襪子泥，衫子也紮破了，倒想攬這個買賣，便道：「你的衣裳破了，你脫下來我與你縫縫罷。」元茂見他好言好語，便看自己樣子也難回去，便把長衫脫將下來，蹲在一邊看他縫補。又看那縫窮的頗有幾分姿媚，容長臉，小嘴，長眼睛，直鼻子，手也不甚粗，約二十四五年紀。一件舊藍布衫，倒還乾淨，蹺起了一雙新布花鞋。元茂看得有些動心，那縫窮的手裡縫衣，飄轉眼來問元茂道：「你在那一幫？」元茂不懂，瞇齊了眼問他。那縫窮的又瞟了他一眼道：「我問你是那一幫糧船上的，不是杭州幫嗎？」元茂道：「我不是糧船上的。」縫窮的道：「你現在那裡住？」元茂道：「一進城門就是。我身邊沒有帶著錢，怎麼好？你同到寓裡去取罷。」縫窮的點點頭。
縫完了，元茂穿上，縫窮的提了籃子，跟了元茂進城。元茂問他的住處，縫窮的道：「我也在城裡。」元茂又問他的丈夫，縫窮的道：「我們當家的撐小駁船，如今在楊柳青呢。」元茂說一句，望一望，兩人並著走，見他胸前高高的兩個乳，元茂鼻子望空嗅嗅，覺有些汗香，心上有幾分愛他，卻又不敢問他。同進了寓，只見嗣徽的房門也鎖著，不見一個人，縫窮的便跟了進來，看他開了房門，便靠在房門上，望著房裡。元茂在炕上找了個青緞小搭連，坐在房門口凳上，一五一十的數了四十大錢，遞與縫窮的。縫窮的接了，笑道：「這錢太少，請高升些。」一手將錢望籃子裡放了，笑嘻嘻的一腳跨進了房門，一手來搶了元茂的搭連，元茂不放手，他是一腳在內，一腳在外，元茂將手一拽，那縫窮的隨著手即撲倒在元茂懷裡，笑個不住。那元茂豈是個坐懷不亂的，便登時動了色，如今娶了親已是老在行，比不得從前了，便把兩腿夾住了他下身，將他抱過來。那縫窮的一面笑，一面還不放那個搭連，笑得頭髮都要散了。元茂道：「你要錢容易，我給你，你要多少？」縫窮的道：「單是縫補的錢麼？」元茂道：「那手工錢，我再加你二十大錢。我們講個交情，你要多少錢？」縫窮的道：「講交情，別人是二百六十六，我沒有這個價兒，我總要四百錢。」
元茂道：「我就給你四百錢。」對著他把嘴望炕上一扭，縫窮的道：「待我提了籃子進來。」元茂恐怕人來，關了門閂了，二人就在炕上雲雨起來。
恰好嗣徽回來，望望元茂的房門沒有鎖，把手一推，卻是閂著，知道元茂在內，便叫了一聲：「開門，青天白日關了門做什麼？」元茂聽了，吃了一驚，伏著不動。嗣徽又推了一推，元茂只得應道：「我肚子疼，要躺一會起來，不要來推門吵鬧人。」嗣徽倒也不疑心，一移步間，踢著一樣東西，一看是婦人戴的一朵紙花，拾起來聞一聞，有一點油氣，心上想道：「那裡來這東西在他房門口？他又不肯開門，莫非他倒接個媳婦在裡面受用麼？」此時天未全黑，屋裡尚有些亮。嗣徽到窗下一望，卻是冷布窗心，元茂忘下了卷窗。嗣徽望到炕上，見一個婦人仰臥著，元茂正在那裡高興，淫聲甚熾。聽得那婦人低低說道：「起來罷，四百錢要怎樣？已經值八百錢了。」元茂尚是老皮老臉的，被那媳婦一推，推出了筍。坐了起來，就在那元寶籃裡拿塊破布，抹了一抹，摋好了褲。元茂也穿了小衣，取出四百錢弟與那媳婦，那媳婦收了，塞在籃裡，又道：「那縫補的錢呢？」李元茂又找那小搭連摸錢，那媳婦一手搶去，連搭連往籃裡一摔，把肘抄著籃子，開門出來。
嗣徽看清，想撞破他，恐元茂臉上下不來。且看縫窮的生得少艾，便想要半路截留，便先到門口等他。那縫窮婆出來，嗣徽攔住了門，問道：「你方才在裡頭做什麼？」那縫窮婆笑嘻嘻的扭著頭，看嗣徽穿著芙蓉布汗衫，腳下是皂靴，知道是位老爺，說道：「方才有位爺們，叫我縫補小衣。」孫嗣徽道：「我在窗子外望得清清楚楚，他給了你四百錢。明日我也要縫小衣，你務必來。」那縫窮的聽了，裊頭裊腦的答應了，又道：「什麼時候來呢？」嗣徽道：「吃了早飯就來，我在這門口等你。如我不在門口，你就在門口等我。」縫窮的連連答應，將嗣徽打量一番，把手摸一摸頭髻，提著籃子出去了。嗣徽進來也不說破，與元茂談了一會，各自睡了。
明日早飯後，嗣徽到門口望了幾次，尚不見來。心裡一想，有些下人在面前，不便行事，把幾個家人盡行打發出門，叫他去探聽嗣元消息與到遠處去買物去了。知元茂是要睡中覺的，到他房門口望了一望，見元茂在炕上躺著，閉了眼，當他睡著了。急到門口來，見那縫窮婆已坐在門檻上。今日打扮得不同，梳得光光的元寶頭，絞光了鬢腳，插了一枝花，穿一件藍夏布衫子，手中帶上燒料鐲子、銅戒指，回頭見了嗣徽，便笑嘻嘻的提了籃子，走了進來。嗣徽見他比昨日嬌俏多了，心中大喜，進了二門，便一手搭在他肩上，一直推進了房，把房門閂上，下了卷窗。這房嗣徽弟兄兩人同住，此時嗣元未回，真是難得。
嗣徽低低的說道：「天氣熱，脫了衣服罷。」縫窮的點點頭，便將衫子脫了。他臉上是被太陽曬黑的，身上倒還白淨，凸出兩個灰色奶頭，嗣徽摸了兩把。又叫他脫去小衣，縫窮的抿著嘴笑，不肯脫，嗣徽便解了的他的帶子，替他脫了。請教到妙處，倒也光肥可玩。就是顏色不甚好看，像是個連鬢鬍子。嗣徽也脫光，縫窮婆一眼望去，其物甚偉，比起昨日那位，真是小巫見大巫，二人就在躺椅上頑起來。
且說那元茂並未睡著，嗣徽與他對面房，有人進來，豈有聽不見的？況那縫窮婆今日穿了木底鞋，鞋內又襯了高底，七寸長的花鞋，今日變了五寸。雖輕輕的走，總有咭咯之聲。嗣徽當元茂睡著了，也不防他，把全副的精神施出來，那張躺椅響得好不熱鬧。元茂輕輕地走到嗣徽房門口，側著耳朵聽去，那響聲在躺椅上，咭咭嘎嘎之中，又夾雜些「唧咂」之聲，像狗舔米泔水一樣。元茂大疑。又到窗下望望，見卷窗放下，心裡想道：「先前很像個女人腳步走進房去，這響聲宛與昨日相似。」又因眼光不濟，窗縫裡也望不清楚，復到房門口，輕輕的將門推一推，知是閂著，便再聽。覺得輕重疾徐，聲聲中▉，而泥黏水滑之聲，令人心蕩，分明是這件事了。又聽得低低的問道：「好不好？」那邊應道：「好。」又聽得道：「這一下是一百數了。」又聽得「一、二、三、四」的數起，一直聽數到八十八，忽然的「□蹋」一聲，倒把元茂吃了一驚。又聽得一聲「哎喲！要跌要跌！」兩上「嗤嗤」的笑聲，便把停了數，像椅子壞了，便有兩個腳步響到炕邊。元茂再聽，是搧扇子的聲。扇了一會，又響起來，似覺稀微了些。又約有一百多數，忽聽得「哎喲喲」的幾聲，又聽得發喘聲，又聽得咂嘴咂舌之聲，又聽得兩下笑聲，又聽得兩下輕輕的打著頑，像打在屁股上的聲。又聽嗣徽低低道：「樂哉，樂哉！其樂只且，其樂只且！」念了兩聲。元茂聽得要笑，把手掩緊了口，聽得那人說道：「長久了，放我起來罷，我要去了。」停了一停，聽得擦紙聲，聽得擦汗聲。靜了一會，聽得數錢聲，聽得串錢聲。元茂已聽了多時，聽得一身發漲，底下已冒了些出來。聽得那人說道：「這是給我的麼？嘖！嘖！嘖！好出手，也叫是位老爺，我沒有這價錢。」聽得嗣徽說道：「我是照你昨日的價錢，沒有少給你。他那裡不是四百錢？」元茂聽了，方知是昨日的縫窮婆，心裡詫異道：「他怎麼在他房裡？定是來找我的，被這強盜打劫了去，可恨！可恨！」又聽得縫窮婆道：「快快的高升，不要耽擱我。」嗣徽道：「這是什麼緣故，一樣的人，我就要加錢？」縫窮婆道：「一樣的人，他是平等人，你是個老爺。況且昨日連衣也沒有脫，今日有兩三倍工夫，好意思拿出四百錢，也失你老爺的身分。」兩人爭論，聲音高了好些，嗣徽又加了一百錢，縫窮的道：「不是這麼加的。告訴你，今天是要兩吊錢。」嗣徽道：「豈有此理，兩吊錢我要頑你五回。」那縫窮的道：「你這一回就抵人五回。我們陪著過夜，總要四吊錢。今天渾身脫得精光，給你頑了兩上時辰，兩吊錢還多嗎？不要耽擱人，快添來。」嗣徽又加了一百錢，縫窮的只是不依，要定了兩弔，說話越說越高起來。嗣徽恐人聽見，只得又加了些錢，共加了五回，才加成了一吊錢，縫窮的方收了。
聽得嗣徽笑道：「我倒問你，你怎麼知道我是個老爺？難道昨日那人不是位老爺麼？」縫窮婆道：「他不是老爺。」嗣徽暗喜，想道：「他必看出我龜頭上那個黑斑，知是主貴的，待我問他。」又道：「我身有樣主貴，你若說出來我才服你，若說不出來，不過想訛我一吊錢。」那縫窮婆道：「呸！你的雞巴主貴，那滿面的糟疙瘩，像糧船上帶來的糟枇杷一樣。我訛你的錢？把良心夾在夾支窩裡！一上身就三四百抽，你把吃奶的氣力都使出來，鬧得人丟了好些。這一吊錢還不夠做體惜錢呢。你幾時見過泥腿上蹺著皂靴，還要賺人，說不是老爺，想省錢。你若穿了草鞋，我只要你二百錢。」嗣徽被他一頓惱辱，方知穿了皂靴之故，便又捧了他的臉，親了幾個嘴。縫窮婆將他臉上咬了一口，嗣徽又問道：「我見你昨日與那人頑，正響得熱鬧，為什麼要推了他起來？今日你又勾緊了我？」縫窮婆笑道：「那人好不在行，又短又笨。腿上一點勁都沒有，壓緊了人，氣也透不出來。你聽見響，那是小肚子碰著小肚子，你當是裡頭響嗎？滑出滑進的，倒教我癢的難受。」元茂聽了，心中好不有氣，想候他出來，罵他兩句，忽見孫嗣元從外邊進來。
孫嗣元因文卷之事，在州裡押了一日。今日州官問他，他倒期期艾艾的挺撞了州官，本要打他幾板，因他是孫亮功的兒子，留他體面，送到宛平教諭處戒斥。他又將教官得罪了，教官氣極，遂將他牽到通州學明倫堂上，叫門斗按在板凳上，結結實實打了二十竹板，打得嗣元殺豬似的叫起來，口又結截，帶著南邊話「□娘、□娘」的亂罵，門斗也恨他，狠狠的打了幾下，打得嗣元兩腿紫爛，一步一步攧回來。又恐氣血凝滯，不敢坐車，幸遇見了家人，扶了回來。見元茂在房門口側耳竊聽，他也不知就裡，吊起那一隻眼皮，講道：「晦、晦、晦他娘的氣，你、你、你、你們倒在家快、快樂呢。」元茂正要問他，他到房門口把門一推，見閂著，雙手亂搡，那薄板門將要破了，元茂搖搖手，嗣元不懂，仍是亂搡。嗣徽聽嗣元回來，心內驚慌，定一定神，倒生了個急智，隨手拉一件衣裳，撕破了一塊，叫他拿出針線來縫，便開了門。嗣元進去，見一個縫窮的鬢髮蓬鬆，面有愧色，坐在凳子縫衣。嗣元一見生了氣。
心裡早已明白，罵道：「那裡有這種不要臉的爛、爛、爛貨跑進房裡來，關了門，做、做、做什麼事情，還、還不滾出去！」 把他的籃子踢翻。縫窮的雖不敢發作，也有了氣，便道：「有人請我來的，我又不是挨上門的。開口就罵人滾，好個不講理的蠻子。」便理清了零星碎布，提了籃子，到外間來縫。見了元茂，有些不好意思，笑了一笑。元茂仔細看他，比昨日標緻了好些，腳也小了，但心裡恨他沒有情義，還說他不像老爺，又嫌他笨不在行，盡巴結嗣徽，為他穿了雙皂靴，便不理他，瞅著他縫衣。嗣元腿疼，便往躺椅上一躺，不料一邊的鐵搭已斷，一側滾了下來。嗣徽呵呵大笑道：「言悖而出者，亦悖而入。人倒沒有滾，自己倒滾了。」嗣元更有了氣，爬了起來，一腳踢翻了躺椅，罵道：「我□你的娘！」往炕上就躺，口中牽蔓葛的混罵。嗣徽踱到外間，反攏著手，踱了幾步。縫窮婆看了，也不禁笑了一笑。元茂道：「我來聽，已聽得報了一百下，後又聽數到八十八，到炕上去，遠了些，還聽得似扯風箱的扯了好一會，不知多少數目？」縫窮婆嘻著嘴，把眼乜了他一乜。
嗣徽道：「人若一之，我百之。人若十之，我千之。」元茂笑起來。嗣元聽得明白，又在裡頭狗□狗卵的罵個不清，忽然一伸手，在蓆子上摸著一塊濕漉漉的，沾了一手，連忙望地下一摔，聽得「嗒」的一聲。嗣元恨極了，即將蓆子扯下地來，叫小使進來，把馬褥子鋪了，便爛膿爛血的大罵。嗣徽自知理短，不敢回言，只作不聞。那個縫窮的實在也聽不得了，便道：「太太今兒真喪氣，碰著了這些渾蟲，沒有開過□眼。」將衣裳一扔，提了籃子，扭著屁股，嘮嘮叨叨的罵了出去。嗣徽不敢進房，在外間與元茂說那縫窮婆的好處，一個說皮膚很細膩，一個說汗都是香的。一個說他是個鐮刀式，愈弄愈緊，一個說像個爛瓤瓜，動一動就水響起來。一個說一吊錢很值，一個說我還只得四百錢。
少頃，嗣元要找汗衫更換，小使找了一會，找到外間，就是方才縫的那一件。嗣元一看，火上添油，問嗣徽道：「我、我、我這件汗衫只穿了一回，好端端的怎、怎、怎麼會破了，要縫起來呢？又怎、怎、怎麼破的是小衿呢？這不、不、不是有心撕、撕、撕破的？」嗣徽道：「緇衣之好兮，敝予又改造兮。」嗣元道：「倒是□餘又該□兮。滿口之乎者也，倒像是個通、通朋友，不過花、花、花了八十兩，請人槍、槍、槍了來的，當是你、你的真本事中、中、中的了。臊也臊、臊、臊死人！」嗣徽道：「君子之所異於禽獸者，以其懷刑也。我總沒有叫州裡押起。」一面拍著手道：「一五，一十，十五，二十，父母之體，不敢毀傷，辱莫大焉。」嗣元大怒，忍著疼爬起來，拿了支窗子的棍子，走出房，照嗣徽劈頭打來。嗣徽躲不及，肩胛上著了一下，連聲哎喲道：「了不得，□兄之臂。」奪住了棍子要打嗣元，元茂連忙解勸分開了，兩個還鬥嘴鬥舌的鬧了半天。到五更，大家起來，收拾了，天明上車而回。到了家，亮功見大兒子與女婿進了學，也甚歡喜。又恨嗣元不通，出了大醜，痛罵了一頓。嗣元回房，又被他媳婦巴氏羞辱了一頓，他的氣苦無門可訴，只好在外面逢人便說，他乃兄是代槍進學的，又在他炕上鬧了縫窮的，所以大不吉利，害他吃了苦。眾人聽了這些話，不過一笑而已。
且說李元茂僥倖了這個秀才，也十分得意。見了孫氏，便誇獎他的才學，說嗣徽是代槍的，嗣元不通，以致打了板子。
孫氏也覺光彩，到底丈夫算個讀書人了。元茂看著孫氏雖然假眉、假髮，但五官生得頗好，又高又胖，是個有福之相，比起縫窮婆來，雖沒有他風騷，到底比他乾淨了好些。到了並頭夜合之際，已離了二十來天，未免彼此貪愛。況元茂學問也長了許多，孫氏又比不得那縫窮婆嘗過那衝煩疲難的滋味，自然當是人生之樂止於如此。元茂將嗣徽與縫窮的光景，並聽的聲息，細細的描摹與孫氏聽。孫氏笑得不休，又說道：「自然你也是這樣的。」元茂道：「我沒有，我豈肯要這種人。」孫氏半疑半信，又盤詰了一番，元茂只說沒有。那元茂真是糊塗人，所說的話一會兒又忘了。一手摸著孫氏那個東西，覺得飽滿可愛，而且蓬蓬鬆鬆，毛長且茂，閒著把他梳理梳理，孫氏也不阻攔他。元茂自覺得意忘言，忽然說道：「我當是你們這個與我們一樣，誰想那個縫窮婆才二十四歲，竟是一大片毛，連小肚子上都是的，倒不好看。」孫氏聽了，已有了氣，故意問道：「或者他小肚子上有泥，你看不清楚，就當他是毛了。」元茂笑道：「你笑我是近視眼，看不見，我的手難道也是近視，摸不出麼？」孫氏氣湧心頭，把元茂身上一把擰得死緊，元茂道：「哎喲喲！輕些，做什麼？」孫氏道：「你這個喪盡良心、爛心爛肺的惡人，你說我兄弟鬧縫窮婆，你是沒有，為什麼你又講出來？你既摸過他的毛，難道還不做那該死的事情麼？我倒在家天天想著你，你倒這麼肆無忌憚。我咬掉你這塊肉。」便一口咬緊了元茂的膀子。元茂方悔無心失言，只得再三的賠禮。
孫氏猶咬著牙，把他搡了兩搡，元茂又上去巴結了一回方好。
孫亮功到領憑之後，即到通州寫了四個太平船赴任，自然的一樣餞行熱鬧。惟有王恂的夫人，見父親哥嫂一齊出京，未免淒涼悲苦，在母家住了幾日。陸夫人也疼愛到十分，又不能帶他赴任，只好勸慰他一番。元茂與孫氏是同去的。元茂外間有些虧空，這兩天追逼起來，孫氏雖有些妝資，但不肯與元茂花消。元茂問他要錢時，便罵起來，說：「不是叫相公，就是嫖婊子。我也不給你錢，你也不許出去。」此時元茂被人追急了，無詞可對，只得苦苦哀求他媳婦說，係進學費用，此時都應歸還，並不是嫖錢等類。孫氏見他愁眉不展的幾天，心裡也疼他，即問道：「你要多少錢就清楚了？」元茂道：「要一百吊錢。」孫氏即給他四十兩銀子，說道：「你快去還了正經帳目，不要去混花消了。」元茂大喜，得了銀子，又起了邪念，想到：「二喜待我這兩年頗為不薄，如今遠別，怎好不給他十吊錢。但這四十兩只夠還帳，不能有餘，怎麼好呢？」想了半夜，想出一個方法，去年借聘才的金鐲子，若取了出來，照時價換了，可以多得五六十吊錢，可不是帳也還了，別敬也有了。
早上起來，找了當票，自己到當鋪裡，一算不夠，又添了些碎銀，做了利錢，把金鐲子取了出來。到金店裡請他看看成色，換了十四換，元茂不肯。又到一家，倒又少了半換，只得十三換半。元茂心中納悶，把鐲子帶上手，一路的闖去。忽然見二喜坐著車，劈面過來，見了元茂忙下來，一把拉住，說道：「今日叫我找著了。我聽得你要出京，又知道你中了秀才，也不知找你多少回，我們也多時沒有坐坐了。」便拉著元茂，上了車。元茂本來想他，便忘了要事，一徑同到了二喜寓處。
進了客房，二喜道：「你此番去了，幾時才來？你倒忍心撇得下我麼？」說罷，便竄在元茂懷裡道：「我跟你去罷！你去了，我在京裡也沒有疼我的人，不如咱苦苦樂樂的在一塊兒。」說到此，兩眼紅紅的，像要淌下淚來。元茂見了，好不傷心，也擦了眼睛，道：「若說跟我去的話，此時不用說他，且我明年就來的。如今我在這裡寄了籍，明年要來科考，還要鄉試，那時就可與你快敘了。」二喜故作悲啼，把個元茂如蒼蠅掐了頭一樣，抓耳揉腮，垂頭喪氣。少頃，擺出酒來，元茂心中有事，不能暢飲，禁不得二喜百般奉承，元茂歡心一開，便又痛喝起來。二喜斟了一杯酒，喝了一口，走到元茂身邊，坐在膝上，雙手捧了元茂的臉，敬了一個皮杯。元茂兩眼瞇齊，在二喜臉上嗅了幾嗅。二喜道：「你也還敬我一口。」元茂道：「待我來。」便含了一口酒，對著二喜的嘴送來，二喜尚未接著，元茂先放了出來，滴了一身。元茂想著從前的事，不覺好笑，笑得前合後仰。二喜也笑道：「什麼好笑？」元茂閉緊了嘴，用力忍住，停了一停，說道：「你不記得魏老聘的笑話，說姑嫂兩個磨鏡子淌出水來？」二喜笑道：「你倒好，你願把自己的嘴比那東西。」元茂道：「世間還有比那東西好麼？人家嫌那東西髒，我就不嫌。」二喜道：「不信沒有比他好的。」元茂道：「只怕沒有。」二喜道：「怎麼沒有？這句話你從前說過的。」元茂閉著眼想了一想，點點頭道：「有是有這句話的。」二喜瞅了他一眼道：「好良心，吃了橘子就忘了洞庭山了。」一頭說，雙手將元茂渾身亂捏，捏得元茂骨軟筋酥，打了一個呵欠，伸一伸腰。二喜道：「你的癮來了，躺躺罷。」元茂道：「很好。」速同了二喜進房，開了燈，二喜先在對面上了幾口後，躺在元茂懷裡，與他上煙。一個臉直扭到元茂嘴邊，元茂伸出舌尖，在他臉上舔了幾舔，覺得香噴噴的，色心大動。
二喜知覺，把手伸過來一攥，仰著臉，望了元茂哈哈哈的幾聲，把手一緊，元茂一酥，說道：「了不得了。」便側轉身子來，把二喜緊緊的一摟，也算了春風一度，把褲襠擦了一擦。二喜又與元茂上了幾口煙，一手把著元茂的手放在自己的臉上，道：「從前有位張少爺，也與我相好，我也使過他的錢。他在京時，問他要什麼，他總肯。到他出京時，我問他要個鐲子，他就支支吾吾，說這樣，推那樣，不肯給我。其實我也不稀罕他那個小鐲子，不過留一點記念，教人心上常記著這個人。然而如今的人，見面時是好的，一過後就忘了。我就不然，那個人若是我相好的，我總想著他。你要去了，你給點什麼東西與我做記念呢？要常常帶在身上，又要經久不壞的東西。」元茂見他這般光景，心裡甚是過意不去。本要送他些錢，因鐲子又沒有換成，支支吾吾的道：「我有東西給你。」二喜道：「我說那張少爺的鐲子，與你這個一樣的，你若做了他，還要等我開口麼？」說著要把元茂的鐲子除下來看，說道：「可是兩根絲攪成的？」即捋下來看看，帶在手上，說道：「這種鐲子我也得了不少，若是不要緊的人給我，我也不記得他。若是你給我，那管是銅的，我也當他金的一樣。況是個金的，自然一發當作寶貝了。」一面說著，看元茂。元茂近來身子淘虛了，一喝酒就醉，一吹煙就睡，模模糊糊的講了一聲，也聽不出講的什麼話。元茂朦朦朧朧，然猶聽得門外叫聲：「二喜出來！」覺二喜爬下炕去，出去了。
元茂睡了一覺醒來，見煙燈也收了，叫了一聲：「二喜！」不見答應，擦擦眼睛，走了出來。只見那邊房裡，歡呼暢飲。
有些人，還有幾個相公，唱的唱，豁拳的豁拳。元茂見跟二喜的人站在門口，叫了他過來，問道：「二喜呢？」那人道：「在那裡陪酒。」說了，又站到那裡去了。元茂此時酒已醒了，一想心中有事，便一徑出來。到了家，方知鐲子被他狼去，心裡甚急，再去找他，又不在家了，一肚子苦說不出來，喪氣而回。孫氏問他為何出去了大半天才回，元茂只得支吾說還帳耽擱了。到晚上，元茂更加著急，夢中還是長吁短歎，孫氏也不解其故，一夜雲雨稀疏，應名而已。孫氏疑他精力乏了，也不來惹他。
明日，元茂沒法，只得老了面皮去找王恂借了四十金，說是娶親時欠下的帳，到了安徽即行寄還，才把那些零星館子帳、相公開發及婊子嫖錢還個清楚。也到各處辭了行，遂同丈人出了京，到了鳳陽府，住了一月，同著孫氏到他父親任上去了。
不知後事如何，且聽下回分解。
When Pintsai was about to leave the capital, he had asked Yuanmao to collect the debt, but Yuanmao had gone to Tongzhou.
Yuanmao, along with the brothers of the Sun family, had all falsely claimed Shuntian as their place of origin. They passed the exams in the prefecture and county, then went to Tongzhou for the provincial exam. They rented a place and entered the examination hall. Yuanmao encountered an old exam draft, which had been corrected by a teacher, and he simply copied it. How could Sun Sihui possibly know how to write an essay? He met a classmate who was a government scholar and asked him to hire a proxy writer. The classmate found someone who agreed to write for eighty taels of silver, and they signed a contract. In the examination hall, this proxy wrote two essays and a poem for Sun Sihui. As for Sun Siyuan, he neither knew how to write essays himself nor did he hire a proxy. With no other choice, he scribbled something on his paper, though no one knew what it was. When the results were announced, both Sihui and Yuanmao passed. During the second round of exams, Yuanmao still managed to pass, but Sihui once again had someone else write for him. When the final results were announced, suddenly a notice was posted saying:
“Examine the examination paper of the boy student Sun Siyuan from Wanping County. The handwriting is sloppy, with two characters occupying one space. The essay contains dialect, vulgar language, and random characters. Not a single word connects properly, and no sentence makes any sense. Is this a result of mental illness, or is it his true capability? It is indeed strange. The Tongzhou magistrate and Wanping County education official are ordered to thoroughly investigate and clarify the matter to maintain the integrity of the examination system. Do not allow confusion or negligence. Urgent, urgent!”
Yuanmao and Sihui read this and had no idea what Siyuan had written on his paper. Sihui, however, was secretly pleased, and together with Yuanmao, they went to meet the examiners. When the examiner saw Yuanmao, he did not say much.
Sun Sihui, dressed in a blue robe and black boots, had polished his red, ruddy face until it shone. He swaggered forward. The examiner saw him and, finding him quite amusing, noticed that his name was similar to Sun Siyuan’s, so he asked, “Is Sun Siyuan your brother?” Sihui replied, “Yes, he is my younger brother.” The examiner smiled and asked, “Does your brother have any peculiar ailments?”
Sihui responded without hesitation, “My brother has a stutter, and the more anxious he gets, the harder it is for him to speak. That’s one. His left eyelid often droops, and he frequently sheds tears. That’s two. And when I speak, he always wants to argue with me. That’s three.” The examiner chuckled, and though the other students wanted to laugh, they had to hold it in. Sihui, feeling very pleased with himself, swayed his shoulders and glanced down at his black boots. The examiner, now serious, asked, “Your brother’s paper contains no proper essay, just hundreds of random characters. Not a single sentence makes sense, and no two characters are connected logically. Why is that? How could someone so incompetent have passed the prefecture and county exams? Has he fallen ill recently, or was he always like this?”
Sihui laughed and said, “If I must speak honestly, from the moment my brother was born, he was sometimes lucid, and other times confused. After he was born, there was no time when he was fully clear-minded. As for how he passed the prefecture and county exams, it’s because in our family, even those who are mediocre nurture the mediocre, and the capable nurture the incapable. That is the joy of having a virtuous father and elder brother.” The students couldn’t hold back their laughter any longer. The examiner slammed his hand on the desk and shouted, “Nonsense! You must be mad as well. Get out!” Startled, Sihui quickly bowed and swaggered out, while the students covered their mouths and laughed as they all left.
Sihui mounted his horse, while Yuanmao got into a carriage, and they both returned to their lodging. Siyuan, meanwhile, was called by the local official. Then came a piece of good news: Liang Gong was assigned to Fengyang Prefecture in Anhui. Sihui was overjoyed and thought about returning home to wait for the next exam, when he could spend some money and hire another proxy to take the exam for him and finally earn a degree. However, since the issue with Siyuan’s exam paper had not yet been clarified, they had to stay a few more days. Yuanmao, having already earned the title of scholar, was content. He had recently gotten married and had no worries. He was also happy that his father-in-law and father worked in the same province, so he could take his wife back home and live happily for a few years. But because of Siyuan’s unresolved issue, he had to stay with Sihui and wait.
That day, after lunch, Yuanmao sat bored and restless. The sun was about to set, so he went out for a walk alone, wandering outside the city to the edge of the canal. He saw grain boats gathered like clouds, along with some official boats, their large flags fluttering, creating a lively scene. There were also women inside the grain boats, though he couldn’t see clearly. He wiped his glasses and put them on, walking slowly along the riverbank, looking around. He saw vendors selling watermelons, peaches, beef, vegetables, and tofu, all crowded together. There were even fortune-telling stalls on the ground. Among the crowd were also poor women mending clothes, sitting on small stools with baskets in front of them. Yuanmao’s gaze fell on one of these mending women, who had a head full of black hair, tied into a large bun that leaned to one side, with a paper flower stuck in it. Though her face was a dark, brownish color, she looked to be in her twenties and somewhat attractive. His eyes were fixed on her as he walked slowly towards her. He wasn’t paying attention when a rope tripped him, and he fell straight onto the mending woman. She had been sitting with her legs stretched out, crossed at the ankles, wearing embroidered shoes about seven inches long, tied with bright red ribbons.
When Yuanmao fell, the mending woman was startled, fearing that he would fall on her. As she hurriedly tried to get up, before her legs could fully straighten, Yuanmao had already toppled onto her, pressing her down. People on the boats and the shore saw this and clapped their hands, laughing. This laughter embarrassed Li Yuanmao, causing his face to turn purple with shame. As he tried to stretch out his legs, they ended up kicking into the muddy ground, and he had no strength left. He supported himself with his left hand on the ground, while his right hand pressed against the mending woman’s legs, using all his strength to push himself up. In the process, his socks became covered in mud, and his robe was torn by a bamboo pole. Yuanmao stood there, ashamed, frozen for a moment.
The mending woman shook her fabric shirt and exclaimed, “What is this? Walking along and you fall onto people!” Yuanmao had no choice but to admit his fault. The mending woman was about to continue her tirade, but upon noticing Yuanmao’s silk clothes, which made him look like a flag guard, and seeing his muddy socks and torn robe, she thought she might be able to make a deal. She then said, “Your robe is torn. Why don’t you take it off, and I’ll sew it for you.” Yuanmao, hearing her kind words and realizing his appearance made it difficult to return in such a state, took off his long robe and squatted nearby, watching her mend it. As he observed her, he noticed that the mending woman had a certain charm. She had a long face, a small mouth, long eyes, and a straight nose. Her hands weren’t particularly rough, and she looked about twenty-four or twenty-five years old. Though her old blue cloth shirt was worn, it was still clean, and she wore new embroidered cloth shoes. Yuanmao started to feel somewhat attracted to her. While sewing, the mending woman glanced at Yuanmao and asked, “Which group are you from?”
Yuanmao didn’t understand and squinted at her, confused. The mending woman gave him another sidelong glance and said, “I’m asking if you’re with one of the grain boat crews. Aren’t you from the Hangzhou group?” Yuanmao replied, “I’m not from the grain boats.” The mending woman asked, “Where are you staying now?” Yuanmao said, “Just inside the city gate. I don’t have any money on me now, so why don’t you come with me to my lodging to get it?” The mending woman nodded in agreement.
After finishing the mending, Yuanmao put his robe back on. The mending woman picked up her basket and followed him into the city. Yuanmao asked where she lived, and she replied, “I live in the city too.” He then asked about her husband, to which the mending woman responded, “My husband works on a small towboat. He’s currently in Yangliuqing.” Yuanmao made casual conversation as they walked side by side. Glancing at her, he noticed her chest, where her breasts were prominently raised. His nose caught a faint scent of sweat, which had a slightly sweet fragrance, and his heart grew fonder of her, though he didn’t dare ask anything more. When they arrived at the lodging, they found Sihui’s door locked, and no one was around. The mending woman followed Yuanmao inside. She leaned against the door, watching as Yuanmao opened his room. Yuanmao found a small silk purse on the bed and sat on the stool by the door. He carefully counted out forty small coins and handed them to the mending woman. She accepted them with a smile and said, “This amount is too little, please raise it a bit.” She put the money into her basket with one hand, and with a playful grin, she stepped through the doorway, grabbing Yuanmao’s silk purse. Yuanmao didn’t let go, and as the mending woman stood with one foot inside and one foot outside, Yuanmao gave the purse a tug, causing the mending woman to tumble into his arms, laughing uncontrollably. Yuanmao, no longer able to resist his desires, immediately grew lustful. Having been married for some time, he was no longer the inexperienced man he once was. He quickly clamped her legs between his, pulled her close, and held her tightly. The mending woman continued to laugh, but still clung to the purse, her hair nearly coming loose as she laughed. Yuanmao said, “If it’s money you want, I’ll give it to you. How much do you want?” The mending woman replied, “Are you only paying for the mending?” Yuanmao said, “I’ll give you another twenty coins for the mending. Let’s talk about our relationship now. How much do you want?” The mending woman said, “If we’re talking about a relationship, others charge two hundred sixty-six coins. But I’m asking for four hundred.”
Yuanmao said, “I’ll give you four hundred coins.” He leaned towards her with a smile and added, “Let me just grab my purse from the bed.” The mending woman replied, “Wait, let me bring my basket in first.” Yuanmao, fearing someone might come, quickly closed the door and locked it. Then the two of them engaged in their illicit affair on the bed.
Just at that moment, Sihui returned. Seeing that Yuanmao’s door was not locked, he pushed on it, only to find it bolted from the inside. He realized Yuanmao was inside, so he called out, “Open the door! Why are you locking the door in broad daylight?” Yuanmao was startled and froze. Sihui pushed again, and Yuanmao had no choice but to respond, “My stomach hurts, and I need to lie down for a while. Don’t keep pushing the door and disturbing me.” Sihui didn’t suspect anything and stepped away, but as he moved, he kicked something. Looking down, he saw it was a woman’s paper flower. Picking it up and sniffing it, he detected a faint oily scent. He thought to himself, “Where did this come from, lying by his door? He won’t open the door… Could it be that he has a woman inside with him?”
At this point, the sun had not fully set, and the room was still dimly lit. Sihui moved under the window and saw that the fabric blind was down, as Yuanmao had forgotten to pull it up. Peering through the window, he saw a woman lying on the bed, while Yuanmao was happily engaged with her, their intimate sounds filling the air. The woman could be heard softly saying, “Come on, four hundred coins… Isn’t it worth at least eight hundred by now?” Yuanmao, shameless as ever, was just about to finish when the woman pushed him off. Yuanmao sat up, grabbed a piece of cloth from the basket, wiped himself clean, and tucked his trousers back in order. The mending woman, meanwhile, put her clothes back on. Yuanmao handed her the four hundred coins, which she accepted, placing them in her basket. She then said, “What about the mending money?” Yuanmao reached for his small purse to find more money, but the woman quickly snatched the purse from him, threw it into her basket, and, with her arm around the basket, opened the door and walked out.
[CP]
Sihui, having seen everything clearly, thought about exposing Yuanmao but feared it would embarrass him too much. Moreover, since the mending woman looked quite attractive, he planned to intercept her. He went ahead to the door and waited for her. When the mending woman came out, Sihui blocked her way and asked, “What were you doing in there just now?” The mending woman smiled flirtatiously and turned her head, noticing Sihui was wearing a cotton shirt and black boots, recognizing him as an official. She replied, “Just now, a gentleman asked me to mend some clothes.” Sun Sihui said, “I saw it clearly from outside the window. He gave you four hundred coins. Tomorrow, I’ll need my clothes mended too, so you must come.” The mending woman, with a coquettish expression, agreed and then asked, “What time should I come?” Sihui responded, “Come after breakfast. I’ll wait for you at the door. If I’m not there, you wait for me at the door.” The mending woman nodded repeatedly, glanced at Sihui, touched her hair, and left with her basket. Sihui went inside but did not mention what he had seen to Yuanmao. After chatting for a while, they both went to sleep.
The next morning, after breakfast, Sihui looked outside several times but hadn’t seen the mending woman arrive yet. He thought it would be inconvenient to act with the servants around, so he sent them all on errands—some to inquire about Siyuan and others to buy things from far away. Knowing that Yuanmao liked to take naps during the day, Sihui went to Yuanmao’s door and saw him lying on the bed with his eyes closed, thinking he was asleep. Sihui quickly went back to the door and found the mending woman already sitting on the doorstep. Today, she was dressed differently: her hair was styled neatly into a “yuanbao” bun, with the sideburns trimmed, and she had a flower pinned in her hair. She wore a blue summer cloth shirt and had bangles and copper rings on her hands. When she saw Sihui, she smiled and walked over with her basket. Sihui, noticing that she was even more charming than the day before, was overjoyed. He led her inside, resting a hand on her shoulder, pushed her straight into the room, bolted the door, and pulled down the blinds. The two brothers shared this room, but since Siyuan had not returned, it was a rare opportunity.
Sihui softly said, “It’s hot. Take off your clothes.” The mending woman nodded and took off her shirt. Although her face had been tanned by the sun, her body was still fair, with two grayish nipples standing out. Sihui fondled her breasts a couple of times and then asked her to take off her undershirt. The mending woman pursed her lips and smiled, refusing to undress further. Sihui untied her belt and helped her remove her clothes. She was plump and soft, a sight to behold, though her complexion wasn’t the most appealing, resembling someone with sideburns. Sihui undressed himself too, and when the mending woman glanced at him, she saw that he was well-endowed, much more so than the man from the day before. The two then began their play on the reclining chair.
Now, Yuanmao hadn’t been sleeping. Since he and Sihui lived in opposite rooms, he couldn’t have missed hearing someone entering the other room. Besides, the mending woman was wearing wooden-soled shoes that were five inches long today, rather than the seven-inch ones from the day before. Although she walked lightly, there was still a faint clattering sound. Sihui, believing Yuanmao was asleep, didn’t hold back and gave it his all, causing the reclining chair to creak loudly. Yuanmao quietly tiptoed to the door of Sihui’s room, pressed his ear to it, and listened. He could hear the squeaking of the chair, mixed with soft sounds like slurping, as if a dog were licking rice water. Yuanmao was deeply suspicious. He went over to the window but couldn’t see much through the gaps. Thinking, “It sounded like a woman’s footsteps entered the room, and the noises are similar to yesterday’s,” he returned to the door, pushed it gently, and found it bolted. Listening again, the noises became clearer. There were sounds of sloshing and sliding, unmistakably indicating what was happening inside. Then he heard a low voice asking, “Is it good?” and the other person replying, “Yes, it’s good.” He then heard, “This makes one hundred already,” followed by counting, “One, two, three, four,” all the way to eighty-eight, when there was a sudden “thump,” startling Yuanmao. Then he heard someone exclaim, “Oh no, I’m going to fall!” followed by two bursts of laughter, which interrupted the counting. It seemed the chair had broken, as two sets of footsteps moved toward the bed. Yuanmao listened further and heard the sound of a fan being waved. After a while, the noise resumed, though it seemed a bit quieter. After another round of about a hundred or so counts, Yuanmao heard several “oh no” cries, heavy breathing, more slurping sounds, and soft laughter. He even heard playful slaps, like someone hitting a bottom. Then he heard Sihui softly say, “Ah, joy, joy! Such joy, such joy!” He repeated this twice. Yuanmao, trying hard to suppress his laughter, covered his mouth.
After a while, Yuanmao heard someone inside say, “It’s been a long time. Let me get up, I need to go.” After a pause, he heard the sound of paper being wiped and the sound of someone wiping sweat. A moment later, there was the clinking sound of coins being counted and strung together. Yuanmao, having listened for a long time, felt his own body start to react, with something stirring below. Then he heard the mending woman say, “Is this all for me? Wow! You’re so generous! You really are a grand lord. I’ve never gotten this much before.” Sihui replied, “I gave you the same as yesterday. I didn’t shortchange you. Didn’t he give you four hundred coins yesterday?” Yuanmao, upon hearing this, realized it was the same mending woman from the day before. He thought to himself, “How did she end up in his room? She must have come looking for me but was intercepted by this scoundrel. Damn it!”
Then he heard the mending woman say, “Hurry up and give me more; don’t delay me.” Sihui replied, “Why should I give you more? It’s the same person, yet you’re asking me to pay extra?” The mending woman said, “He’s just an ordinary person, but you’re a grand lord. Besides, yesterday I didn’t even take off my clothes, but today I’ve spent two or three times the effort. How can you give me just four hundred coins? It’s beneath your status as a lord.” Their argument grew louder, and Sihui, to avoid being overheard, reluctantly added another hundred coins. The mending woman said, “It’s not about just adding a bit. I’m telling you, today’s price is two strings of coins.” Sihui protested, “What nonsense is this? If I’m paying two strings, I should get five rounds of fun with you.” The mending woman retorted, “You’ve already had as much fun in one round as others get in five. If I’m staying with you overnight, it’ll cost four strings of coins. Today, I’ve stripped completely and let you have your way for two hours. Do you still think two strings is too much? Don’t waste my time, just pay up.” Sihui begrudgingly added another hundred coins, but the mending woman refused to settle for less and insisted on two full strings. As their voices grew louder, Sihui, fearing others would hear, finally agreed to pay the full amount. After much haggling, he added enough coins to make it a total of one string, and the mending woman finally accepted.
[CP]
Sihui laughed and said, “Let me ask you, how did you know I’m an official? Are you saying the man from yesterday wasn’t an official?” The mending woman responded, “He wasn’t an official.” Sihui was secretly pleased, thinking, “She must have noticed the dark spot on my private part and knew I was of noble status. Let me ask her.” He then said, “There’s something about me that shows my noble status. If you can tell me what it is, I’ll believe you. But if you can’t, then you’re just trying to extort me for one more string of coins.” The mending woman spat and said, “Your private part is noble? That face of yours, covered with pimples, looks like a batch of rotten loquats brought in from the grain boats. And you think I’m trying to cheat you out of money? My conscience is clean! You gave it your all with those three or four hundred thrusts, using all your strength, and I still lost quite a bit of energy. This string of coins isn’t even enough for the effort I put in. When have you ever seen someone wearing black boots, standing on muddy legs, trying to cheat people by pretending not to be an official? If you were wearing straw sandals, I’d only charge you two hundred coins.” Sihui, humiliated by her outburst, finally understood that it was the black boots that gave him away. He then cupped her face and kissed her a few times. The mending woman, in turn, bit him on the face.
Sihui asked, “I saw you having fun with that man yesterday. Why did you push him away when things were getting lively? And why are you being so clingy with me today?” The mending woman laughed and said, “That man was so incompetent—short and clumsy. He didn’t have any strength in his legs and just pressed down on me, making it hard for me to breathe. The noise you heard wasn’t coming from inside; it was just his belly bumping against mine. It slid in and out, making me itch terribly.” Hearing this, Yuanmao, who was eavesdropping, grew furious and thought about waiting for her to come out so he could scold her. But just then, Sun Siyuan came in from outside.
Sun Siyuan had spent a day being detained at the prefecture because of his examination paper. When the prefecture official questioned him, he stammered and stumbled over his words, almost offending the official, who was about to punish him with a beating. However, since he was the son of Sun Lianggong, the official showed him some respect and sent him to the Wanping education officer for a reprimand. Siyuan, in turn, offended the education officer, who became furious and had him dragged to the Tongzhou Academy, where he was tied to a bench and given twenty strokes with a bamboo cane. Siyuan screamed like a slaughtered pig, cursing incoherently with a southern dialect, even using vulgar words like “damn mother.” The gatekeeper, angry at him, gave him a few extra hard strokes, making his legs purple and raw. Siyuan hobbled back step by step, too afraid to ride a carriage for fear of aggravating his injuries. Fortunately, he met a servant who helped him home. When he saw Yuanmao eavesdropping at the door, he didn’t know what was going on. With one drooping eyelid, he cursed, “Damn it, damn it, you’re all here having fun while I’m suffering!”
Yuanmao was about to ask him something when Siyuan reached the door and tried to push it open, only to find it bolted. He banged on the door with both hands, nearly breaking the thin wooden door. Yuanmao waved his hand to stop him, but Siyuan didn’t understand and continued banging. Hearing that Siyuan had returned, Sihui panicked. After composing himself, he had a clever idea. He quickly grabbed a piece of clothing, tore off a patch, and called for the mending woman to bring her needle and thread to sew it. Then he opened the door. Siyuan barged in and saw the mending woman with her hair disheveled and a guilty look on her face, sitting on a stool, mending clothes. Seeing this, Siyuan grew angry.
He immediately understood what was happening and cursed, “How could such a shameless, filthy wench sneak into this room, with the door shut, and do God knows what! Get out, get out right now!” He kicked over her basket. The mending woman, though not daring to act out, was still angry. She said, “I was invited in here. I didn’t just barge in! You’re cursing and telling me to leave? What an unreasonable brute!” She collected the scattered scraps of cloth, grabbed her basket, and moved to the outer room to continue sewing. When she saw Yuanmao, she felt a bit embarrassed and gave him a slight smile. Yuanmao looked closely at her and thought she seemed even more attractive today than she had been yesterday, with smaller feet too. But he was still angry at her for being ungrateful and for complaining that he wasn’t like an official, criticizing him for being clumsy and only flattering Sihui because he wore black boots. So, he ignored her and just watched her sew.
Siyuan, his legs in pain, lay down on the reclining chair. Unexpectedly, one of the iron legs of the chair was broken, and he rolled off to one side. Sihui burst out laughing and said, “Those who curse others will find themselves cursed. You didn’t knock her down, but you rolled down yourself!” Siyuan, even more enraged, got up and kicked the reclining chair over, cursing, “Damn your mother!” He then threw himself onto the bed and continued cursing nonsensically. Sihui, pretending not to hear, walked into the outer room with his hands behind his back, pacing a few steps. The mending woman saw this and couldn’t help but chuckle.
Yuanmao said, “I was listening earlier, and I heard you counting to one hundred. Then I heard you count to eighty-eight before moving to the bed. From there, it was a bit farther, but I could still hear what sounded like a bellows going for quite a while. How many strokes did you manage in total?” The mending woman smirked and gave him a sidelong glance.
Sihui said, “If someone gives one effort, I’ll give a hundred. If someone gives ten, I’ll give a thousand.” Yuanmao laughed. Siyuan, hearing this, cursed even more from the inner room, spewing incoherent insults. Suddenly, he reached out and touched something wet on the mat. Startled, he quickly threw it to the ground, where it landed with a “thud.” Furious, Siyuan yanked the mat off the bed and called for a servant to come and lay down a horse blanket. Meanwhile, he cursed endlessly about the filth and blood. Knowing he was at fault, Sihui didn’t dare respond and pretended not to hear.
The mending woman, unable to bear it any longer, said, “Today has been truly unlucky. I’ve run into nothing but these filthy pests!” She threw down the clothes she was mending, grabbed her basket, and, swaying her hips, stormed out while muttering curses under her breath. Sihui, too afraid to go back inside, stayed in the outer room and started praising the mending woman’s qualities to Yuanmao. One said, “Her skin is so smooth.” The other said, “Even her sweat smells sweet.” One said, “She’s like a scythe; the more you work her, the tighter she gets.” The other said, “She’s like a ripe, juicy melon; every time she moves, water gushes out.” One said, “She’s definitely worth the string of coins.” The other said, “I only got her for four hundred coins.”
After a short while, Siyuan wanted to change into a fresh undershirt. The servant searched around and found the one that had just been mended in the outer room. When Siyuan saw it, he became even angrier and asked Sihui, “I… I… I’ve only worn this undershirt once. How did it get torn, and why did it need mending? And why… why… why is the tear along the collar? Isn’t this clearly someone tearing it on purpose?” Sihui responded with a smile, quoting, “The fine clothes I cherished, though worn, I have remade anew.” Siyuan retorted, “It’s more like you’ve remade a mess! You’re full of scholarly phrases, acting like you’re an accomplished man. But in truth, you… you… you paid eighty taels to hire someone to write for you in the exam. What a disgrace!”
Sihui said, “What separates man from beasts is his sense of shame. At least I wasn’t detained by the authorities!” He clapped his hands and continued, “One, five, ten, fifteen, twenty—taking care of one’s body, a gift from one’s parents, without damage, is of utmost importance. You, however, brought great shame upon yourself.” Enraged, Siyuan, enduring his pain, grabbed a stick by the window and stormed out of the room. He swung it at Sihui’s head, and though Sihui tried to dodge, he was struck on the shoulder. He cried out, “Oh no, you’ve hurt your brother’s arm!” Grabbing the stick, Sihui attempted to hit Siyuan back, but Yuanmao quickly intervened, separating them. The two brothers continued bickering for a long time.
At dawn, everyone got up, packed their things, and prepared to leave. By the time they set off, the sun had risen. Upon returning home, their father, Sun Lianggong, was pleased to hear that his eldest son and son-in-law had both passed the exam. However, he was furious about Siyuan’s blunder and humiliation and gave him a severe scolding. Siyuan retreated to his room, only to be berated again by his wife, Mrs. Ba, adding to his frustration. Left with no outlet for his anger, he complained to everyone he met, saying that his brother had cheated his way into the exams by hiring a proxy writer, and that his misfortune was due to the mending woman causing bad luck by being in his bed. However, people who heard this just laughed it off.
Meanwhile, Li Yuanmao, having luckily gained the status of a scholar, felt quite proud. Whenever he saw members of the Sun family, he would praise Sihui’s intellect while pointing out that Sihui had hired a proxy writer and that Siyuan’s incompetence led to him being caned.
Mrs. Sun was pleased, as her husband had finally become a scholar, which brought her some pride. Yuanmao, despite Mrs. Sun’s false eyebrows and hairpieces, found her facial features quite attractive. She was tall and plump, which gave her a prosperous look. Compared to the mending woman, though Mrs. Sun lacked the latter’s seductive allure, she was certainly cleaner. Now that it had been more than twenty days since Yuanmao and Mrs. Sun had last been together, both were eager for intimacy. Moreover, Yuanmao’s knowledge had improved greatly, and Mrs. Sun, having never experienced the coarse struggles that the mending woman had endured, naturally found such intimacy to be one of life’s greatest pleasures. Yuanmao then recounted in detail to Mrs. Sun the events with Sihui and the mending woman, including the sounds he had overheard. Mrs. Sun couldn’t stop laughing and said, “You must have been the same!” Yuanmao protested, “Not me. I wouldn’t want someone like that.” Mrs. Sun, half believing and half doubting, questioned him further, but Yuanmao insisted that he had done nothing.
Yuanmao was a bit of a fool and soon forgot what he had said. While his hand wandered, touching Mrs. Sun’s body, he found it full and soft, with thick, lush hair. He began to gently comb through her hair, and Mrs. Sun did not stop him. Yuanmao, lost in his own thoughts, suddenly said, “I thought you were the same as us, but that mending woman, even though she’s only twenty-four, has a lot of hair, even on her lower belly, which wasn’t very attractive.” Mrs. Sun, now upset, asked sarcastically, “Perhaps it wasn’t hair, but mud on her belly that you couldn’t see clearly, so you mistook it for hair?” Yuanmao laughed and replied, “You’re teasing me about being nearsighted, but even if my eyes didn’t see clearly, do you think my hands couldn’t feel the difference?” Mrs. Sun, now truly angry, grabbed Yuanmao’s skin and twisted it tightly. Yuanmao cried out, “Ow! What are you doing? Be gentle!” Mrs. Sun retorted, “You heartless, rotten man! You say my brother was with the mending woman, and yet you claim you weren’t involved, so why did you know so much about it? If you’ve touched her hair, how could you not have done worse? I’ve been thinking of you every day, but you’re out there being shameless! I ought to bite off a piece of your flesh!” With that, she bit down hard on Yuanmao’s arm.
Yuanmao regretted his careless words and apologized repeatedly. Mrs. Sun, still furious, shoved him twice, but after some more coaxing from Yuanmao, they eventually made up.
After Sun Lianggong received his appointment, he prepared four large ships to travel to his new post in Tongzhou, with a grand send-off, as expected. However, Wang Xun’s wife felt sorrowful and lonely, seeing her father, brothers, and sisters-in-law all leaving the capital. She stayed at her mother’s home for a few days, feeling melancholy. Lady Lu loved her dearly but could not take her along to the new post, so she did her best to comfort her.
Yuanmao and Mrs. Sun traveled together. Yuanmao, facing some financial difficulties, had been pursued by creditors recently. Although Mrs. Sun had some dowry savings, she refused to let Yuanmao spend them. Whenever Yuanmao asked her for money, she would scold him, saying, “If it’s not gambling with your friends, it’s whoring with prostitutes. I’m not giving you any money, and you’re not going anywhere.” Yuanmao, cornered by his creditors, had no argument and could only beg his wife, explaining that the debts were from expenses related to passing the exams and not for gambling or other vices. Seeing him stressed and unhappy for several days, Mrs. Sun felt sorry for him and asked, “How much money do you need?” Yuanmao replied, “I need one hundred strings of coins.” Mrs. Sun gave him forty taels of silver, saying, “Go pay off the legitimate debts, and don’t waste it.”
Yuanmao was overjoyed to get the silver, but then an evil thought crept into his mind. He thought, “Erxi has treated me well these past two years. Now that we’re parting, how can I not give him ten strings of coins? But this forty taels of silver is only enough to pay my debts, with no extra. What should I do?” After thinking half the night, he came up with a plan: last year, he had borrowed gold bracelets from Pintsai. If he could retrieve them and sell them at the current price, he could get an extra fifty or sixty strings of coins. This way, he could both repay his debts and have enough to show his gratitude.
In the morning, Yuanmao found the pawn ticket, took it to the pawnshop, and realized the amount wasn’t enough. He added some loose silver to cover the interest and retrieved the gold bracelet. He then went to a goldsmith to check its value. They offered him fourteen exchanges, but Yuanmao refused. He went to another shop, but the offer was even lower—only thirteen and a half exchanges. Feeling frustrated, Yuanmao put the bracelet on his wrist and wandered aimlessly.
Suddenly, he saw Erxi sitting in a carriage, coming toward him. As soon as Erxi saw Yuanmao, he quickly got out and grabbed him, saying, “I’ve been looking for you! I heard you were leaving the capital and that you passed the scholar’s exam. I’ve looked for you so many times! It’s been a long time since we’ve sat down together.” He dragged Yuanmao onto the carriage. Yuanmao had been thinking of him anyway, so he forgot about his errands and went with Erxi to his lodging.
Once they were in the sitting room, Erxi said, “You’re leaving now, but when will you return? How can you bear to leave me behind?” After saying this, he threw himself into Yuanmao’s arms and said, “Let me go with you! If you leave, there will be no one left to care for me in the capital. We might as well endure hardships and enjoy life together.” As he spoke, his eyes turned red, as if he were about to cry. Yuanmao, seeing this, felt deeply moved and wiped his eyes as well, saying, “As for taking you with me, let’s not talk about that now. I’ll be back next year anyway. I’m registered here now, and I have to come back for the exams next year, including the provincial exam. Then we’ll have plenty of time together.” Erxi pretended to cry, making Yuanmao feel as helpless as a fly without its head, scratching his ears and rubbing his face, utterly dejected.
After a while, they set out some wine. Yuanmao had other matters on his mind and couldn’t fully enjoy the drinking. However, with Erxi’s endless flattery, Yuanmao’s mood eventually lifted, and he began drinking heavily. Erxi poured a cup of wine, took a sip, and then sat on Yuanmao’s lap, holding Yuanmao’s face in his hands as he offered him a sip from the cup. Yuanmao squinted his eyes and took a few sniffs of Erxi’s face. Erxi said, “You should return the favor and offer me a drink.” Yuanmao replied, “Let me do that.” He took a mouthful of wine and leaned toward Erxi’s lips to share it, but before Erxi could take it, Yuanmao accidentally spilled it all over himself. Remembering something from the past, Yuanmao couldn’t help but burst out laughing, laughing so hard that he doubled over. Erxi laughed too and asked, “What’s so funny?” Yuanmao tried to stifle his laughter, keeping his mouth shut tightly. After a while, he said, “Don’t you remember the joke Old Wei told about the aunt and sister-in-law polishing mirrors until water started flowing?” Erxi laughed and said, “You’re ridiculous! You’re comparing your mouth to that thing?” Yuanmao replied, “Is there anything in this world better than that? People may find it dirty, but I don’t.” Erxi retorted, “I don’t believe there’s nothing better.” Yuanmao replied, “I doubt it.” Erxi said, “How could there not be? You said this before.” Yuanmao closed his eyes, thought for a moment, and nodded, “Yes, I did say that.” Erxi gave him a sideways glance and said, “What a heart you have—eating the oranges and forgetting about Dongting Mountain!” As she spoke, she began pinching Yuanmao all over, making him feel weak and limp, causing him to yawn and stretch.
Erxi then said, “You’re getting drowsy. Why don’t you lie down?” Yuanmao replied, “Good idea.” They both went into the room and lit the lamp. After a few quick puffs from his pipe, Erxi lay in Yuanmao’s arms, smoking with him. She pressed her face close to Yuanmao’s, and Yuanmao extended his tongue, licking her face a few times, tasting its fragrance and feeling a surge of desire.
Sensing this, Erxi reached over and gave Yuanmao a squeeze, laughing loudly as she did so. Yuanmao, feeling a wave of pleasure, turned to embrace her tightly, engaging in a brief moment of passion before cleaning himself up. Erxi offered him a few more puffs from the pipe and then took his hand, placing it on her cheek. She said, “There was once a young master Zhang who was very close to me, and I used his money too. Whenever he was in the capital, he was always willing to give me what I asked for. But when he was leaving the capital, I asked him for a bracelet, and he kept making excuses, unwilling to give me one. I didn’t really care about the bracelet; I just wanted something to remember him by, something to keep him in my thoughts. But men these days—when they’re with you, they’re good to you, but once they leave, they forget all about you. I’m different, though. When I have someone I care about, I always think of him. Now that you’re leaving, what will you give me to remember you by? Something I can always keep with me, something durable and long-lasting.”
Hearing this, Yuanmao felt a pang of guilt. He had intended to give her some money, but since he hadn’t yet sold the bracelet, he was at a loss. Hesitating, he said, “I have something for you.” Erxi replied, “I’m talking about that young master Zhang’s bracelet, the one just like yours. If you were in his place, would you still wait for me to ask?” As she spoke, she reached for Yuanmao’s bracelet, saying, “Isn’t this one made of two intertwined threads?” She slipped it off his wrist and looked at it, then put it on her own wrist, saying, “I’ve received quite a few bracelets like this. If someone I didn’t care about gave me one, I wouldn’t even remember it. But if it’s from you, even if it were made of copper, I’d treasure it like it was gold. And since this one’s made of gold, I’ll treasure it all the more.” As she spoke, she glanced at Yuanmao.
Lately, Yuanmao’s health had been declining—he’d get drunk quickly after drinking and fall asleep after just a few puffs of his pipe. Half-dazed, he muttered something, but it was unclear what he said. Yuanmao was groggy, yet he vaguely heard someone shouting outside the door, “Erxi, come out!” He felt Erxi climb out of bed and leave.
Yuanmao slept for a while and, upon waking, saw that the lamp and pipe had been put away. He called out, “Erxi!” but there was no response. Rubbing his eyes, he walked out and saw a group of people in the next room, laughing and drinking loudly.
There were several people, including a few young men, singing and playing drinking games. Yuanmao saw one of Erxi’s attendants standing by the door. He called him over and asked, “Where is Erxi?” The man replied, “He’s inside, entertaining guests with drinks.” After saying this, he returned to his spot by the door. At this point, Yuanmao had sobered up, and remembering his urgent matters, he immediately left.
When he arrived home, Yuanmao realized that the bracelet had been stolen by Erxi. He was filled with anxiety. He rushed back to find Erxi, but he wasn’t at home. Yuanmao, filled with frustration and regret, returned home dejected. When Mrs. Sun asked him why he had been out for so long, Yuanmao stammered and explained that he had been delayed while settling debts. That night, Yuanmao’s anxiety grew, and even in his sleep, he sighed deeply. Mrs. Sun didn’t understand the reason for his distress. Their nightly intimacy became sparse and obligatory. Mrs. Sun, suspecting that Yuanmao was physically exhausted, did not bother him further.
The next day, with no other options, Yuanmao swallowed his pride and went to borrow forty taels of gold from Wang Xun. He explained that it was to repay debts incurred during his marriage and promised to send the money back as soon as he reached Anhui. With this loan, he managed to settle the various debts, including small amounts owed to restaurants, fees for hiring performers, and money owed to prostitutes. After bidding farewell to everyone, Yuanmao left the capital with his father-in-law and eventually arrived at Fengyang Prefecture. They stayed for a month before Yuanmao and Mrs. Sun went to join her father at his official post.
What happens next? Please stay tuned for the next installment.