話說前回書中，奚十一受了琴言之氣，恨恨而回，心中很想收拾他，又想不出什麼計策，惟有逢人便說琴言在外陪酒，怎樣的待他好，還要來跟他。
造了好些謠言，稍出了幾分惡氣。那一個鐲子，菊花盤問起來，奚十一只說自不小心，失手砸了，菊花也無可奈何。偏有那巴英官告訴了，菊化便大鬧了一場，奚十一軟話央求，將來遇有好的再配，方才開交。那奚十一的為人，真是可笑，一味的棄舊憐新。從前買了春蘭，也待得甚好，不到半年就冷淡了。去年得了巴英官，如獲至寶，如今又弄上了得月、卓天香，將英官也疏遠起來。
那巴英官心中氣忿，便與春蘭閒談說道：「從前老土待我們怎樣，如今是有一個忘一個，你心上倒放得開麼？」春蘭道：「我從前主意錯了。與我出了師，我當他是個有情有義的，那曉得是個沒有良心的。看他所做的事，全不管傷天害理。從前那個桶子，也不知騙了多少人。聽得說還有些好人家的孩子，被他哄了，回去競有上吊投水的，將來不知怎樣報應呢。」英官道：「我也聽得說，從前有個桶子，是怎樣的，就能哄人？」
春蘭道：「這桶子是西洋造法，口小底大，裡頭像鐘似的叮叮噹噹的響。他將一樣東西扔下去，叫那人用手取出來。中間一層板，有兩個洞，一個洞內只容得一隻手。若兩手都伸了進去，他便將桶內的機巧撥動，兩手鎖住，再退不出來。聳著屁股，那就隨他一五一十的頑罷。我頭一次就上他這個當。後來被人告發了，將桶子才劈破了。」
英官道：「索性待人有恒心也罷了。從前還常常的賞東西，如今是賞也稀少了，到像該應拿屁股孝敬他的。這個人偏不生瘡。爛掉了，倒大家乾淨。」春蘭道：「你還有舊主人在此，他如過於冷淡你，你可以告假，仍跟姬師爺，我看還比跟他好些。」英官道：「那姬師爺更不好，如果好，我也不跳槽了。那個人肉麻得很，又小氣，一天鬧人幾回，才給幾十個錢，還搭幾個小錢在裡頭，所以我更不願跟他。我在家做手藝時何等舒暢，打條辮子也有好幾百錢。到晚飯後，便有幾個知心著意的朋友，同了出去，或是到茶館，上酒店，嘻嘻哈哈，好不快活。餛飩、包子、三鮮大面，隨你要吃那樣。同到賭場裡去，只要有人贏了，要一弔八百都肯，真是又紅又闊。從跟了那個姓姬的，便倒了運。」春蘭道：「那姬師爺的相貌，實在也不討人喜歡，見人說話口咨著兩個黃牙，好不難看。」英官道：「他身處還狐騷臭呢。」
閒話休題。且說奚十一那天一人獨自到宏濟寺來，和尚與聘才都出門去了，小和尚在自己一間房內，歪在炕上，朝裡睡著。奚十一見他單穿個月白綢緊身，鑲了花邊，綠縐綢的套褲，剃得逼清的光頭。奚十一看了動火，脫了外面長衣，倒身躺下，輕輕的解了他的帶子，把褲子扯了一半下來，貼身服侍。得月驚醒，扭轉頭一看，見了奚十一，便說道：「來不得。」奚十一不聽，得月又說道：「當真來不得。」奚十一還當是他做作，故意進了一步，只聽得得月腹內咕嚕咕嚕的一響。得月連說「不好」，身子一動，一股熱氣直冒出來。奚十一覺得底下如熱水一泡的光景，急忙退出，「口咨」的一聲，摽出許多清糞，撒得奚十一一肚子。奚十一道：「這怎麼好！」忙翻身下炕。
得月跟著下來，往下就蹲，嘩喇喇的一響，已是一大灘，臭不可當。奚十一掩著鼻子瞧那地下，還有些似膿似血的東西。
奚十一找了些紙，抹了一會，褲襠上連帶子上也沾了好些，一一抹了。得月皺著眉挪了挪，方才撒完了起來。不好叫人收拾，自己到煤爐裡撮些灰掩上，掃淨了。奚十一道：「我怎樣好，快拿盆水來洗洗。」得月道：「我原說來不得，你不聽。」便找了小沙盆，舀了些水，將塊腳布與他，奚十一將就抹了一把。
得月重又躺下，奚十一好不掃興。得月道：「我身子不快，且走肚子，懶得說話，你去罷。」奚十一只得出來，卻好碰著卓天香進來，撞個滿懷。奚十一道：「和尚與魏大爺都不在家，得月病了，懶應酬，不要進去了。」天香道：「我們還到魏老爺地邊去坐坐罷，他雖不在家，也可坐得的。」奚十一無可無不可，就同了天香進去，叫聘才的家人沏了兩碗茶，與天香閒談。天香道：「今日我找魏老爺，要問他借幾吊錢，偏又不在家，不知幾時才回來呢？」奚十一道：「你方才從何處來？沾得一身土。」天香道：「去找那賣牛肉的哈回子討錢，又沒遇著。」奚十一道：「你要多少錢使？」天香道：「還短十五吊錢，一時竟湊不起來。」奚十一道：「什麼事這樣緊要？」天香道：「昨日翠官被人訛了八十吊錢，寫了欠票與他，今日來取，約明日還他的。」奚十一道：「翠官被什麼人訛的？」天香道：「除了草字頭，還有誰？昨日叫他們去伺候一天，倒把他捆了起來，說他偷了煙壺，要送北衙門。跟去的人再三央求，他們的人做好做歹，賠他八十吊錢，寫了借條，才放出來的。
今日將我們的衣服全當了，才得六十弔，又借了五吊錢，哈回回尚欠我們幾吊錢，偏又遇他不著。如今求大老爺賞十五吊錢，了此事罷。」奚十一道：「這有什麼要緊，橫豎明日才還他。我們坐一坐，到潘三爺舖子裡開張票子就是了。」天香道了謝，便與奚十一在一處坐著閒談。
原來天香去找哈回回，哈回回有個姪兒與天香有些瓜葛，見他叔叔不在家，便留在舖子裡吃了兩小碗牛肉，五六個饅頭，做了一回沒要緊的事，也給了他兩吊錢。那曉得那個小回子才生了楊梅毒，尚未發出來，這一回倒過與天香了。天香此時後門口覺得焦辣辣的難受，要想奚十一與他殺殺火。奚十一見天香情動，便也高興，兩人不言而喻，鬧了一回，聘才尚未回來。
奚十一本要同他到潘三處取錢，忽然跟中冒火，兩太陽疼脹，身子不快起來，便寫了一個飛字叫天香自取。奚十一即回家，頭暈眼花，扎掙不住。
脫衣睡了一夜，如火燒的一般，且下身疼得難受，把手一摸，濕淋淋的流了一腿，那東西熱的燙手，已腫得有酒杯大了。
口中呻吟不已。菊花一夜不能安睡，明日見了那東西，嚇了一跳，忙問其緣故，奚十一不肯直說，只推不知為什麼忽然腫起來。菊花道：「請個醫生來看看罷。」奚十一道：「唐和尚就很好，專醫這些病症。」菊花便打發人去請。
原來唐和尚這幾天見得月氣色不正，指甲發青，知他受了毒氣，便用了一劑攻毒瀉火的瀉藥，昨日已瀉了好幾遍，適奚十一來承受了，由腎經直入心經。奚十一身子是空虛的，再與天香鬧了一次，而天香又新染了哈小回子的瘡毒，也叫奚十一收來。兩毒齊發，甚為沉重。少頃，和尚來問其得病之由，奚十一只將天香的事說了，診了脈，也用一劑瀉藥。誰知毒氣甚深，打不下來，一連三日，更加沉重。腫潰處，頭已破了，奚十一苦不可言，只得又另請醫生，要二百金方肯包醫。一面吃藥，一面敷洗。誰知那個醫生更不及和尚，又沒有什麼好藥，越爛越大，一個小和尚的腦袋已爛得蜂巢一樣，臭不可言。奚十一又睡不慣，只得不穿褲子，單穿套褲，坐在凳子上，兩腳揸開，用兩張小凳擱起，中間掛下那個爛茄子一樣的東西，心上又苦又急。
菊花見了，好不傷心，又不敢埋怨他，只得求神許願，盡心調治。換了兩三個醫生，倒成了蠟燭卸。還是唐和尚知道了，用了上好的至寶丹敷了，才把那個子孫樁留了一寸有餘。後來收了功，沒頭沒腦，肉小皮寬，不知像個什麼東西，要行房時，料想也不能了。此是奚十一的淫報。
無事不成巧，說起來真可笑。卻說潘三店內有個小伙計，叫許老三，只得十六歲，生得頗為標緻。潘三久想弄他，哄騙過他幾次，竟騙不上手。那孩子有一樣毛病，愛喝一鍾，多喝了就要睡。正月十五日，眾伙計都回家過節，潘三單留住了老三，在小帳房同他喝酒。許老三已醉了，在炕上睡著。
潘三早安排了毒計，到剃頭鋪裡找了些剃二回的短髮，與刮下來的頭髮，藏在身邊，乘他醉了，便強姦了一回，將頭髮揌進，已後叫他癢起來，好來就他。那許老三醒來，已被他奸了，要叫喊時，又顧著臉，只得委委屈屈受了。
誰知從此得了毛病。明知上了潘三的當，放了東西，心中甚恨，忍住了仍不理他。潘三自以為得計，必當移舟就岸，那知許老三懷恨在心。他有個姐夫周小三，即與潘三趕車，為人頗有血性，倒是個路見不平撥刀相助的朋友。
許老三上當之後，即告訴了姐夫，姐夫即要與潘三吵鬧，倒是老三止住了，商量個妙計報他。
明日老三回家，他無父母，有兩個哥哥，一行開的小酒店，賣些燻肉香腸，一個是遊手無賴，在雜耍班裡做個鬥笑的買賣，叫把式許二。他那姐姐也在家。就將他上當的事講起來，恨如切齒，誓要報仇。他二哥聽了，即脫下衣裳，便要跑去打架。
大哥拉住了，道：「不是打架的事，且商量。去邀了李三叔來，是他薦去的，我們講理去，看他怎樣？」三姐說道：「打架固不好，講理也不好。這又沒有傷痕，難道好到刑部裡去相驗麼？依我想個法子，也叫他受用一回，叫他吃個悶虧，講不出來。」
那老大、老二道：「妹子倒說得好，他是個四五十歲人，怎樣叫他吃這悶虧？」三姐笑道：「待我慢慢的想著。」原來那三姐才十九歲，生得十分標緻，而且千伶百俐，會說會笑。若做了男子，倒是個有作為的，偏又叫他做了女身。想了一會，笑道：「我倒有個妙計，就是沒有這個人。」那老二道：「要與兄弟報仇，就到水裡去，火裡去，我肯的。」三姐道：「這件事用你不著，而且與你講不得。與你講了，你要說出來的。」
老二發氣道：「這是什麼話？既要賺人，難道還對人講？」三姐道：「只消如此如此，這般這般，就是沒有這個人。」老大想道：「你嫂子不中用，引不動人，且回娘家去了。或者請了王八奶奶來，不然請葛家姑娘？」三姐道：「不好。這些門戶中人，非親非戚，他們也未必肯來。況且潘三認得這些人。」
老二笑道：「妹子，我們都是親哥兒姊妹，既與兄弟報仇，也應出點死力。那天何妨就將你做個幌子，難道真與他有什麼緣故？只要我們留點神，快快走進來就得了，橫豎妹夫也要請來的。若訛著了錢，還是自己家裡人分用，不比謝外人好些？」
三姐啐了一口，罵道：「放狗屁，你何不等二嫂子來做幌子？」老二笑道：「還沒有娶回來，誰耐煩等這一年半載。若已經娶在家裡，怕不是就用他，還來求你？」
老大聽了，可以報得仇，還可以訛得錢，便也勸道：「老二這句話，倒也講得在理，除妹子，卻無第二人可做。但是做了之後，老三是不用說了，就是妹夫，這個鍋也砸定了。」三姐道：「那倒不妨，三吊錢一月，別處也弄得出來。這件事既商議定了，倒要趁早，你們去將你妹夫叫來。大家說明，也要他肯。」去叫周小三來家，三姐將方才商量的話說了，周小三無有不依，定於後日晚間行事。
過了一夜，明日老二到潘三處搬老三的鋪蓋，潘三知事發了，心中有些懼怕，只得將言留他。經周小三力勸，留下鋪蓋，把老二勸回。潘三感激小三不盡，謝了小三，小三道：「三爺如果真心要提拔我的舅子，明日我去勸他來。這孩子糊塗，我開導他幾句，他就明白了。明日倒有件湊巧事，不曉三爺肯賞臉不肯？」潘三道：「什麼話！你雖與我趕車，也是伙計一樣。你既這麼懂交情，難道我還有什麼不依的？」小三道：「三爺若肯賞臉，那好說了。」又道：「明日是我妻子的生日，家內也沒有一個親戚，老大、老二明日有事不能來，老三是來的。明日晚上，我請三爺到我家裡去坐坐，趁老三在那裡，當面說開，我叫他跟了回來就是了。」潘三喜極，說道：「很好，你如完全了這件事，我重用你。我每月加一吊錢。」小三道：「這更多謝三爺。」到了明晚，小三跟了潘三步行回家，潘三就堂屋坐了，小三進去，送出一鍾茶來。潘三道：「今日既是你奶奶的生日，我應該祝壽的，請你奶奶出來見個禮。」小三道：「祝壽是不敢當。我受了三爺這樣恩典，我叫他出來磕頭。」
便「三姐、三姐」的叫了兩聲。聽得裡頭答應了，這又嬌又嫩的聲音，就覺入耳。潘三聽得咭咭咯咯的高底響，到了門後，手望門上一扶，露出兩個銀指甲道：「要什麼？」小三道：「三爺初次來，你也該出來見個禮。況且三爺是有年紀的人，父母一樣，不要害臊。」三姐笑了一聲，道：「我廚房有事，還沒有淨手。老三嘴饞得很，不能幫我也罷，我裝一碟，他到要吃半碟。」又笑了一笑，便進去了。潘三聽了，已有些軟洋洋的起來，心中想道：「好個聲音，不知相貌怎樣，若像他兄弟就好了。」小三拖開桌子，擺了三面。老三先拿酒壺、兩個酒杯、兩雙筷子來，隨後又送出四個碟子。潘三見是一碟醃肉一碟熏魚，一碟香腸，一碟麵筋。小三斟了酒，兩人坐了。潘三道：「老三也可叫他出來坐坐。」小三即叫老三出來，老三道：「我不喝酒。」潘三道：「老三，來，來，來！喝一鍾。」
老三不理，又進去了。小三道：「他幫著他姐姐弄菜，少停肯來的。」老三又拿出兩碟兩碗，一碟是炒豬肝，一碟是炒羊肉，一碗燴銀絲，一碗炸紫蓋。
兩人已吃了一會酒，只聽得打門之聲，又聽得連叫兩聲「小三！」小三即忙去開門。潘三聽得一聲「了不得了！」倒吃了一驚，又聽說了好些話。
小三道：「我就來。」那人道：「同走罷，不要耽擱了。」
小三進來向潘三道：「三爺請坐坐，我叫老三來陪你，我要出去勸解一件事，就回來的。」潘三道：「我也走罷。」小三道：「忙什麼，我即刻回來的。」潘三心上為著老三，正好等小三去了，招陪他。口雖說走，身卻不動。小三叫老三出來，老三終是不肯。小三罵了一聲：「糊塗小子！」只得叫聲：「三姐出來。」三姐到門後道：「又做什麼？」小三道：「你二哥又鬧了事，要我去勸解。三爺在此，老三又不肯出來。我想三爺五十來歲的人，你做他女兒還小，你大方些，出來陪陪，我去就來。」三姐道：「我不會陪，我是婦人家，適或簡慢了三爺怎好，三爺還是要怪你的。」潘三聽了這幾句話，已覺得魂消，巴不得他出來，便接口道：「奶奶好說，本來要與奶奶祝壽，請出來！」潘三已站起了。
三姐笑將出來，潘三見了，神魂消蕩。見他是瓜子臉兒，一雙鳳眼，梳了個大元寶頭，插上一枝花。身上穿件茄花色布衫子，卻是綠布洗了泛成的顏色，底下隱約是條月白綢綿褲。絕小的一對金蓮，不過三寸。身材不長不短，不肥不瘦。香噴噴一臉笑容，對了潘三福了一福。潘三見了，色心已動，連忙還禮，請坐下，他卻不坐，對小三道：「你快些回來，省得三爺等得不耐煩。」小三應了，到了外邊說道：「頂快也要二更天才得回來，去有五六里路呢。」說著忙忙的去了。三姐出去關門，進來坐下，潘三便笑迷迷的道：「奶奶今年貴庚了？」三姐道：「十九歲。」即叫聲：「三爺，我們那小三是粗鹵人，有伺侯不到處，多蒙三爺的恩典，常常照應他。窮人家沒有孝敬的東西，就這一點心。酒是喝不醉，菜是吃不飽的。」便裊裊婷婷的執了酒壺來，斟了一杯放下。
潘三樂得受不得，便道：「奶奶何不請坐過來。要你這麼勞動，心上不安。」三姐笑了一笑，即叫聲：「老三，三兄弟，你出來。」老三道：「我不來，你陪他罷。」三姐笑道：「你不來陪你的人，倒要我替你陪，那裡有這樣崛強的孩子，怪不得人要暗算你。」潘三聽了這話有因，即道：「小三在我家，也是親人一樣，奶奶就坐坐，諒也無妨。」三姐道：「我坐在這裡，也是一樣。」潘三道：「奶奶坐著雖是一樣，但到底離遠些，不好說話，請過來坐罷。」三姐起一起身，微微的笑著，又坐下了。潘三便起身斟了一杯酒，送到三姐的身邊道：「我敬奶奶一杯。」三姐道：「不敢，不敢！三爺請自飲。」口雖說，已接過來，道：「怎麼倒要三爺敬酒！」便一飲乾了，就走近桌邊，把杯子用手擦了一擦，也斟上一杯道：「三爺請喝這杯。」潘三已經心醉，喘吁吁的道：「敢不領奶奶的盛情！」接過杯子，順手將他手腕上一捏，三姐低了頭。潘三喝了，捺不住，便搭著三姐的香肩，說道：「奶奶請坐，不要站疼了小腳。」三姐微笑，也不坐了過來。潘三道：「小三天天不在家，奶奶家裡還有誰，可不孤另麼？」三姐道：「向來有個老婆子，這兩天又走了，還沒有僱著人。」潘三道：「今日要奶奶親手自造，我卻造化多了。」便又斟了一杯送過來。
酒已完了，三姐道：「沒有酒有，兄弟你去打半斤好燒酒來。方才這酒淡，你上大街去買，你不要嫌路遠，又在小鋪裡買來。」老三答應，亦不點燈，趁著月色去了。三姐道：「我關了門，他到大街上去，有一會呢。」潘三見他去關門，心中想道：「可以下手了。這婆娘很有勾我的意，我不可辜負他。」三姐進來坐了。潘三此際慾火中燒，臉皮發赤，走過來道：「奶奶再飲這一杯。」便挨近了，在凳邊坐下。三姐故意要走開，潘三即扯住袖子，三姐低著頭只顧笑。潘三心迷意亂，大著膽放下杯子，雙手抱住。三姐道：「三爺，你抱我做什麼？」把眼一睃，潘三忙道：「我的媽，你兒子也不曉得要做什麼。」便將三姐抱在膝上，想要親嘴。
三姐將手隔過，道：「使不得，三爺你好不正經，調戲良家婦女。我若喊起來，你就沒臉了。」潘三道：「我的娘，你施點恩罷！」三姐道：「你真看上我？好便宜，那裡有這麼容易的事情！你把我太看輕了。」潘三道：「奶奶，你要肯施恩，你怎麼說怎麼好。」三姐一手推他的臉，一手把住他的手，摸他的金鐲子。潘三明白，心上想道：「他想這個，也顧不得了。」即除下來道：「奶奶，你肯行好事可憐我，我就將鐲子送你，已後還要大大的謝你，也加小三的工食錢。」三姐接了鐲子，套在自己手上，笑道：「多謝你，我如今依了你，你卻不要告人。」潘三連聲答應，想扯他的褲子，三姐即忙跳下道：「房裡來！」說罷先走，潘三隨後跟了進去。到了炕邊，三姐道：「你把長衣脫了，就在炕沿上頑一頑罷。」
三姐先坐在一邊，潘三把長衣解開，扯了褲子，正想挨擾來，忽聽得背後腳步響。回頭一看，嚇了一跳，連忙掖了褲子。只見周小三已到前面，大喝了一聲，一把揪住，罵道：「好大膽的忘八蛋，原來你竟不是人！」潘三嚇得目瞪口呆。三姐忙說道：「潘三爺方才要小解找溺壺，你當是什麼？」小三忙道：「沒廉恥的婊子，一見爺們就搭上了，還要在我面前遮飾！溺壺在你身上呢？」三姐嚷道：「你別撒賴訛人。」小三道：「他□了你，倒說我撒賴。講是講不清的，我們到街坊上去評評理。我好意請你喝酒，你到要□起人家的堂客來！」一面拖著潘三要走。潘三急了道：「小三，不要這麼著，有話好好的說，原是我不是了，不應進你內室。但我們多年相好，你也容點情，沒有不好說的話。」小三道：「還有什麼話說，我這媳婦也不要了。我將你們兩個人送到官，憑官斷，斷與你也好，斷與我也好，我們在這裡不必講。」三姐在旁裝作啼哭，潘三無法，只得軟求。三姐罵道：「你窮昏了！我做了什麼事，你想斷離了我麼？你送到官，我也有得說的。」一面飛了個眼與潘三，潘三道：「小三放手，我們有話好商量，我是沒有不好講。」小三道：「講什麼，我這個人不要了，你拿一千兩銀子來，饒了你罷。」潘三道：「要銀子也好說的，放了手。」小三道：「放手好便宜！」翻將潘三按將下來。
潘三道：「奶奶，你勸勸。」小三道：「你想罷，你願出一千銀子，你就乖乖的答應送來。你不願，我就捆你起來，送你到官。」潘三道：「我願，我願！但如何要得一千銀子？我身邊有三百吊錢的票子，給你罷。」小三道：「三百吊錢算什麼？」三姐道：「你也摸摸良心，三爺待你這樣好，今日就算他錯了，你也須看他往日情分。你若知恩報恩，難道三爺真不懂得好歹麼？」潘三道：「奶奶說得是，我是最懂交情的。小三，我們留個相與，我那一天不可照應你，何必定要今日？」小三道：「既如此，我們倒說明了，橫豎人也被你頑了，一回也是頑，一百回也是頑，我這綠帽子是扔不下了。你先拿三百弔來，以後每月再給六十吊錢，你依不依？」潘三道：「我依！我依！」小三把手一鬆，潘三爬起，將錢票送出，穿好了衣賞。三姐對小三道：「你點燈送三爺回府去罷，他受驚了。」小三笑道：「三爺不要害怕，我們是頑笑的。」潘三方放了心，心中尚突突的跳，說道：「好頑笑，這個只好一回。」小三道：「以後憑你老人家怎樣，再不頑笑了。」潘三方定神。小三去點燈，三姐道：「你明日早飯後來，我有好處給你。」潘三沒有做成，聽了這話，又喜歡起來，連連點頭。小三領了潘三出去，三姐在後扯扯潘三的衣服，又低低說了「明日」二字。潘三樂極回家，明早即打發小三下鄉有事。
吃了早飯，到了小三家，見門不閂，推了進去。見三姐坐在屋裡，引著小狗兒頑。潘三咳嗽一聲，三姐滿面堆下笑來。
潘三道：「昨日幾乎唬死我。」三姐道：「他不過想錢罷了，他真心要拿你？」潘三道：「屋裡沒有人？」三姐道：「有什麼人？」潘三道：「我去閂了門。」三姐道：「今日天氣暖，脫了衣服爽快些。」又道：「溺急了。」跑到後院子去小便，回頭對潘三道：「你先脫光了罷，進被窩去。」潘三不敢不遵，剛脫下身來，見三姐笑盈盈的兩手提著褲子進來，潘三放心脫光了，上炕扯了被窩蓋了身子。三姐也走到炕邊。
潘三道：「快些來罷！」要來扯他，三姐笑道：「關了房門。」剛轉身，只聽得外面嚷道：「做的好事！」一陣腳步響。潘三一聽，魂不附體。只見周小三領著他兩個舅子，拿著雪亮的刀，又有一條粗麻繩，上前將潘三按住，拉下炕來。許老二一連三四拳，罵道：「你這狗雞巴□的，□了我的兄弟，還想□我的妹子。」潘三只得在地下叩頭。小三道：「我昨日饒了你的狗命，你今日又來送死。」便把潘三捆了。潘三光著身子，只是哀求。許老二道：「你會□人的屁股，老爺子也要□□你的屁股。」潘三著急，苦苦求饒。那三姐在旁笑得打顫。只見他二哥伸出個中指頭，像個小黃蘿蔔一樣，到油罐裡蘸了些油，在潘三屁股裡一摳，潘三「哎喲」連聲。許老二解開一個紙包，拿那藥與頭髮，揌了兩三回。潘三口內呻吟，雙腳亂掙。幸虧他的肛門老蒼，沒有摳出血來。許老二揌完，放了潘三。潘三只是發抖。許老大道：「潘三，你知罪麼？我好好一個兄弟，被你強姦了，就天理難容。你還放了些東西，叫他一世成了病，做不得好人。所以我們今日也還個禮，叫你也做個髒頭風，你說該不該？」
潘三俯首無詞，穿了褲子鞋襪，然後向小三說道：「你既然是為人報仇，就不應要我的錢。」小三道：「要你什麼錢？」潘三道：「非但錢，還有八兩重的金鐲子。」小三道：「你回去與我打官司就是了。」三姐道：「潘三，你要打官司早些說，我好習學口供，省得上堂時說得不好。」潘三一人，如何鬧得過他們，只得忍氣吞聲，後門口又火焦火辣的難過，遂欲穿衣。周小三上前奪下道：「你還想穿衣出去麼？」三姐道：「給他罷，遮遮他那個狗臉。」潘三穿了衣裳，往外便走。聽得三姐笑道：「潘三轉來，你明日有空再來走走，我找個東西與你殺殺癢兒。」那三個拍著手哈哈大笑，潘三又羞又氣，抱頭鼠竄而去。
那兄妹夫妻四人猶大笑了一會，三姐道：「這潘三也被我們收拾苦了，虧二哥能下這毒手。」老二道：「我還沒有使勁，恐怕挖了他的腸子出來。」三姐道：「那三百吊錢，我有個主意，不知兩位哥哥肯依不肯依。」老大、老二道：「這件事是妹子的功勞，憑妹子怎樣，我們無有不依。」三姐道：「將一百吊錢給你妹夫，叫他做本錢，也不必趕車了。二哥你使三十弔，大哥你也使三十弔。這一百四十弔，留與三弟將來做本錢，你們找個舖子，與他生息。這錢是因他來的，自然他應多些。」
那兄弟兩個都說「很是。」小三今早將這票子，民同潘三對了外票，是預先商量停妥的，便拿出來交與三姐。三姐分派定了，又說道：「倒是三兄弟的毛病要緊，與他治好了方好。」
許老大道：「這個有什麼方法？」三姐道：「我聞得吃蕎麥麵，便可除肚裡吃下的豬毛羊毛。你把這蕎麥麵做了湯元，包些糖，不要煮熟，帶生的與他吃，吃兩天試試。或者可以撒得出來。」那二人道：「這個最容易，我們回去就做些與他吃。」又坐了一坐，弟兄二人拿了錢也自回去。不知後事如何，且看下回分解。
Here is the full translation of the provided passage:
In the previous chapter, Xi Shiyi, upset by Qin Yan’s anger, returned home full of resentment. He wanted to find a way to get back at her but couldn’t come up with any plan. All he could do was spread rumors, telling everyone that Qin Yan was out entertaining people with drinks, treating him exceptionally well, and even trying to follow him around.
He fabricated many rumors, which gave him some relief. As for the bracelet, when Ju Hua questioned him, Xi Shiyi simply said that he had carelessly broken it. Ju Hua had no choice but to let it go. However, Ba Yingguan told her the truth, and Ju Hua had a fit of rage. Xi Shiyi had to plead with soft words, promising to replace the bracelet with a better one in the future, and only then did the matter settle. Xi Shiyi’s behavior was truly laughable—he had a habit of discarding the old in favor of the new. When he first bought Chunlan, he treated her very well, but within half a year, he grew indifferent. Last year, he was overjoyed to have Ba Yingguan, treating her like a treasure, but now he had moved on to De Yue and Zhuo Tianxiang, gradually distancing himself from Yingguan.
Ba Yingguan, frustrated by this, chatted with Chunlan, saying, “In the past, the old man treated us well, but now he forgets one as soon as he gets another. Does this not bother you?”
Chunlan replied, “I made a mistake before. I thought he was a man of affection and loyalty, but I didn’t realize he was heartless. Look at what he does—he doesn’t care if his actions are immoral. That trickster used to swindle so many people. I heard that he even tricked children from good families, and some of them went home and hanged or drowned themselves. Who knows what kind of retribution awaits him in the future?”
Yingguan said, “I also heard about that trickster. What was it that made him so good at deceiving people?”
Chunlan explained, “That trickster used a Western-style contraption, a bucket with a small opening and a wide bottom, and it made clanging sounds like a bell. He would drop something inside and tell people to reach in and retrieve it. There was a hidden mechanism inside—a board with two holes, just big enough for one hand. If someone put both hands in, he would activate the mechanism, and their hands would get stuck, unable to pull out. Then, with their rear end sticking up, they were at his mercy. I fell for this trick the first time. Eventually, someone reported him, and the bucket was smashed.”
Yingguan said, “At least if he treated people with some consistency, that would be something. In the past, he often gave us gifts, but now even gifts are rare. It’s as if we should offer our backsides to him as a tribute. How has this person not gotten sick yet? If he rotted away, we’d all be better off.”
Chunlan added, “You still have an old patron here. If he treats you too coldly, you can take a break and return to working for Master Ji. I think that would be better than sticking with him.”
Yingguan responded, “Master Ji is even worse. If he were any good, I wouldn’t have switched patrons. He’s stingy and disgusting. He scolds people several times a day, and even if he gives out a few coins, there are always a few small coins mixed in. That’s why I don’t want to work for him anymore. When I was doing handicrafts at home, I had such a pleasant life. Braiding a rope could earn me hundreds of coins. In the evening, I’d go out with a few close friends to the teahouse or wine shop, laughing and having a great time. Whether it was wontons, buns, or three-flavored noodles, we could eat whatever we wanted. And when we went to the gambling den, if someone won, they’d gladly give away one or two strings of cash. Life was free and easy. But ever since I started working for that Ji guy, my luck has been down.”
Chunlan remarked, “Master Ji’s appearance really isn’t appealing. When he speaks, his two yellow teeth stick out. It’s such an unpleasant sight.”
Yingguan added, “And his body reeks of a fox-like stench.”
Putting that aside for now, Xi Shiyi went alone to Hongji Temple one day. The monks and Pintai had gone out, and a young monk was resting alone in his room, lying on the kang (a traditional Chinese heated bed) facing inward, asleep. Xi Shiyi saw him wearing a light silk robe with floral embroidery, and underneath, he had green silk pants. His head was shaved clean and shiny. Xi Shiyi was stirred with desire, so he removed his outer robe and lay down beside him. He gently loosened the monk’s belt and pulled his pants halfway down, then began touching him intimately. De Yue (the monk) woke up, turned his head, and saw Xi Shiyi. He said, “You can’t do this.”
Xi Shiyi ignored him. De Yue repeated, “I really mean it, you can’t do this.” Xi Shiyi thought De Yue was just pretending and moved closer. Suddenly, De Yue’s stomach made a gurgling sound. De Yue quickly said, “Something’s wrong!” and with a shift of his body, a burst of hot air shot out. Xi Shiyi immediately felt a hot, wet sensation below. Alarmed, he tried to withdraw, but with a “plop,” a stream of liquid feces sprayed out, covering Xi Shiyi’s abdomen.
Xi Shiyi cried out, “What now?” He quickly rolled off the kang.
De Yue got down as well, squatted, and with a loud noise, released another large pile onto the floor, filling the room with a foul stench. Xi Shiyi, covering his nose, glanced at the floor and saw some pus-like, bloody substance mixed in.
Xi Shiyi found some paper and tried to clean himself up, but his pants and belt were heavily soiled. He wiped them off one by one. De Yue, frowning, shifted a bit before finishing and getting up. Not wanting to ask someone else to clean it, he went to the coal stove, grabbed some ashes, and covered the mess before sweeping it away.
Xi Shiyi said, “What am I supposed to do now? Hurry and bring me a basin of water to wash this off.”
De Yue replied, “I told you not to do it, but you wouldn’t listen.” He found a small basin, scooped up some water, and handed Xi Shiyi a rag. Xi Shiyi grudgingly wiped himself down.
De Yue lay down again, and Xi Shiyi felt quite disappointed. De Yue said, “I am not feeling well, I have an upset stomach, and I don’t feel like talking. You should go.” Xi Shiyi had no choice but to leave, and just as he did, he bumped into Zhuo Tianxiang coming in, colliding head-on. Xi Shiyi said, “The monk and Master Wei are not home, and De Yue is sick and doesn’t want to entertain anyone, so don’t go in.” Tianxiang replied, “Let’s go sit by Master Wei’s place instead. Even though he’s not home, we can still sit there.” Xi Shiyi, not having any preference, agreed and went along with Tianxiang. They called one of Pingcai’s servants to make two cups of tea, and they sat down for a casual chat.
Tianxiang said, “I came today to find Master Wei to borrow a few strings of cash, but unfortunately, he’s not home. I don’t know when he’ll return.” Xi Shiyi asked, “Where did you just come from? You’re covered in dust.” Tianxiang replied, “I went to find the Muslim butcher who sells beef to ask for some money he owes me, but I didn’t find him.” Xi Shiyi asked, “How much money do you need?” Tianxiang replied, “I’m still short by fifteen strings of cash, and I can’t seem to gather it all at once.” Xi Shiyi asked, “What’s the rush?” Tianxiang explained, “Yesterday, Cui Guan was extorted for eighty strings of cash and wrote an IOU for it. The person is coming today to collect the debt, and we promised to pay it back by tomorrow.”
Xi Shiyi asked, “Who extorted Cui Guan?” Tianxiang replied, “Who else but that thug with the ‘Grass’ character in his name? Yesterday, they had Cui Guan serve them all day, but then they tied him up, accusing him of stealing a snuff bottle. They threatened to take him to the northern court. The people who were with him pleaded repeatedly, and after some negotiation, they paid him eighty strings of cash and wrote the IOU to get Cui Guan released. Today, we pawned all our clothes and only got sixty strings. We borrowed five more strings, but the Muslim butcher still owes us a few strings, and we couldn’t find him. Now, I’m asking the master for fifteen strings to settle this matter.”
Xi Shiyi said, “That’s no big deal. Since the money isn’t due until tomorrow, we can sit for a bit and then go to Master Pan’s shop and write a note for the money.” Tianxiang thanked him, and they sat together, chatting idly.
It turned out that when Tianxiang went to find the Muslim butcher, the butcher’s nephew, who had some kind of connection with Tianxiang, saw that his uncle wasn’t home and invited Tianxiang into the shop. There, they ate two small bowls of beef and five or six buns. After doing some trivial things, the nephew even gave Tianxiang two strings of cash. However, what Tianxiang didn’t know was that the young Muslim had just contracted syphilis, which hadn’t fully manifested yet, and passed it on to Tianxiang during that encounter. At this moment, Tianxiang felt a burning sensation at the back and wanted Xi Shiyi to help relieve the heat. Seeing Tianxiang was aroused, Xi Shiyi became excited as well, and the two of them, without needing to say a word, had a passionate encounter. Meanwhile, Pingcai had not yet returned.
Originally, Xi Shiyi had planned to go with Tianxiang to Master Pan’s shop to get the money. However, suddenly, he felt a burning sensation in his body, his temples throbbed, and he began to feel unwell. He wrote a note for Tianxiang to take to the shop and get the money himself, while Xi Shiyi returned home, feeling dizzy and weak.
After undressing and lying down for the night, Xi Shiyi felt as though his body was on fire. His lower body hurt so badly that when he touched it, he found his legs were drenched, and the area was burning hot to the touch, swelling to the size of a wine cup. He groaned in pain throughout the night.
Chrysanthemum (Juhua), unable to sleep that night, saw the condition the next day and was so shocked that she immediately asked what had happened. Xi Shiyi refused to explain clearly and only said that he didn’t know why it had suddenly swelled up. Chrysanthemum said, “We should call a doctor to take a look.” Xi Shiyi replied, “Monk Tang would be good. He specializes in treating these kinds of conditions.” Chrysanthemum then sent someone to call for him.
It turned out that Monk Tang had noticed that De Yue’s complexion wasn’t right, and his fingernails were turning blue, which indicated he had been poisoned. He had given him a purgative to expel the toxins, and he had already had several bowel movements yesterday. Unfortunately, when Xi Shiyi came into contact with him, the poison had entered his system through his kidney meridian, directly affecting his heart meridian. Xi Shiyi’s body was already weak, and after his encounter with Tianxiang, who had just contracted syphilis from the Muslim butcher’s nephew, Xi Shiyi contracted the infection as well. Now, both poisons were attacking him simultaneously, making his condition extremely serious.
Shortly afterward, Monk Tang arrived and asked how Xi Shiyi had fallen ill. Xi Shiyi only mentioned his encounter with Tianxiang. After feeling his pulse, Monk Tang prescribed a purgative. However, the poison was so deeply rooted that the purgative wasn’t effective. After three days, Xi Shiyi’s condition worsened. The swollen area had begun to rupture, causing unbearable pain. Left with no other option, they sought another doctor, who demanded two hundred taels of silver to treat him. Meanwhile, Xi Shiyi continued to take medicine and apply treatments to the affected area. However, the new doctor was even less capable than Monk Tang and didn’t have any good remedies. The infection worsened, spreading and rotting until Xi Shiyi’s private area looked like a rotten eggplant, full of pus and emitting a foul odor.
Xi Shiyi couldn’t bear the discomfort of wearing pants and had to wear only loose underwear, sitting on a bench with his legs spread apart, placing two small stools underneath to support his rotting genitals, feeling both tortured and anxious. Chrysanthemum, seeing this, was heartbroken but didn’t dare to blame him. All he could do was pray to the gods, making vows and carefully attending to his treatment. After trying several more doctors, it seemed hopeless, as they made no progress.
Finally, Monk Tang found out about the situation and used a top-quality treasure pill to treat the wound, managing to save a small part of Xi Shiyi’s genitals, leaving just over an inch of it intact. Eventually, the wound healed, but the once-functional organ was now deformed, small and loose, looking like nothing in particular. When it came time for intercourse, it was clear that it would no longer be possible. This was Xi Shiyi’s retribution for his immoral behavior.
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“It’s funny how things never go as planned. In the shop owned by Pan San, there was a young worker named Xu Lao San, who was only sixteen years old and had quite a handsome appearance. Pan San had long wanted to seduce him and had tried to deceive him a few times, but never succeeded. The boy had one particular habit: he loved to drink, and whenever he drank too much, he would fall asleep. On the fifteenth day of the first month (Lunar New Year), all the other workers went home to celebrate the holiday, but Pan San made Xu Lao San stay behind and drink with him in the small back office. Xu Lao San was already drunk and had fallen asleep on the bed.”
“Pan San had already prepared a sinister plan. He went to a barbershop and gathered some cut hair, both short strands from a second shaving and freshly shaved hair, and kept them hidden on him. When Xu Lao San got drunk, Pan San took advantage of the situation and raped him. Afterward, he shoved the hair inside Xu Lao San, so that he would feel itchy later, giving him a reason to come back to him. When Xu Lao San woke up, he realized that he had been violated. He wanted to cry out but, concerned about his reputation, he could only silently and reluctantly endure the humiliation.”
“Who knew that from then on, he would develop a problem. Though Xu Lao San knew he had fallen for Pan San’s trick and had something placed inside him, he was deeply resentful but chose to ignore Pan San. Pan San, thinking his plan had succeeded, assumed that everything was under control and that things would eventually work out in his favor. However, Xu Lao San harbored deep hatred in his heart. He had a brother-in-law named Zhou Xiao San, who worked alongside Pan San as a driver. Zhou Xiao San was a man of integrity, someone who would help right wrongs on the road and had a sense of justice.
After falling into Pan San’s trap, Xu Lao San told his brother-in-law about it. Zhou immediately wanted to confront Pan San and start a quarrel, but Xu Lao San stopped him and together they came up with a clever plan for revenge.
The next day, Xu Lao San went back home. He had no parents, only two older brothers. One of them ran a small tavern, selling smoked meat and sausages. The other was an idle man who made a living by performing in a traveling circus, doing comedic routines, and was called Xu Er, the Acrobat. His older sister was also at home. Xu Lao San told them about how he had been tricked, and they were filled with rage, vowing to take revenge. His second brother immediately took off his jacket, ready to go and fight.
The eldest brother held him back, saying, ‘This isn’t about fighting. Let’s discuss it. We should go invite Uncle Li San over, since he was the one who recommended Pan San. We’ll go confront him and see how he explains this.’ The third sister said, ‘Fighting isn’t good, but reasoning it out won’t work either. There are no physical injuries. Are we really going to take this to the authorities for an examination? I think we should come up with a way to make Pan San suffer in return, in a way that he can’t complain about.’
The eldest and second brother said, ‘Sister, you make a good point. But he’s a man in his fifties. How do we make him suffer in silence?’ The third sister smiled and said, ‘Let me think of something.’ The third sister was only nineteen, very attractive, and exceptionally clever. She was witty and charming. If she had been born a man, she would have made something of herself, but fate had made her a woman. After thinking for a while, she smiled and said, ‘I’ve got a good idea, but we’re missing one key person.’ The second brother said, ‘To help our brother get revenge, I’m willing to go through fire or water!’ The third sister replied, ‘This doesn’t require you, and I can’t tell you the plan either. If I told you, you might spill it.’
The second brother got angry and said, ‘What are you talking about? If we’re going to trick someone, why would I tell anyone?’ The third sister said, ‘Just do exactly this and this, in this way and that way, but we’re still missing that one person.’ The eldest brother thought for a moment and said, ‘Your sister-in-law won’t be of any use, she can’t entice anyone, and she’s gone back to her family anyway. Maybe we could invite Old Woman Wang, or perhaps the girl from the Ge family?’ The third sister replied, ‘No, that won’t do. Those women aren’t relatives, and they might not even agree to help. Besides, Pan San knows them.’
The second brother laughed and said, ‘Sister, we’re all close family. Since we’re helping our brother get revenge, we should give it our all. Why not use you as a decoy? It’s not like there’s any real relationship between you two. We’ll just keep a close eye and rush in as soon as needed. Anyway, brother-in-law will be there too. If we extort some money, it stays in the family, which is better than sharing it with outsiders, right?’
The third sister spat and scolded, ‘You’re talking nonsense! Why don’t you wait for your second sister-in-law to come back and be the decoy?’ The second brother laughed and said, ‘I haven’t married her yet! Who has the patience to wait a year or so for that? If she were already in the house, of course, I’d use her instead of asking you!’
The eldest brother, hearing that they could both take revenge and extort money, also began to persuade her, ‘What our second brother said makes sense. Besides you, there’s no one else who can pull this off. Once it’s done, no one will say anything, not even our third brother, and even if brother-in-law gets caught up in it, he’ll have no choice but to go along with it.’ The third sister said, ‘That’s no big deal. Three strings of coins a month—I can still make that elsewhere. Since we’ve decided on the plan, we should act quickly. You two go and call your brother-in-law. Let’s explain everything to him and get his agreement.’ They went to fetch Zhou Xiao San, and the third sister explained the plan they had discussed. Zhou Xiao San had no objections, and they decided to carry out the plan the following evening.”
“After a night passed, the next day, Xu Lao Er went to Pan San’s place to retrieve Xu Lao San’s bedding. Pan San, realizing that the matter had been exposed, became somewhat fearful and tried to persuade him to stay. With Zhou Xiao San’s strong persuasion, the bedding was left behind, and Xu Lao Er was talked into leaving. Pan San was extremely grateful to Zhou Xiao San and thanked him profusely. Zhou Xiao San said, ‘If you truly intend to promote my brother-in-law, I will persuade him to come back tomorrow. The boy is confused, but if I explain things to him, he will understand. Coincidentally, tomorrow, there is a special event—would you, San Master, honor us with your presence?’ Pan San replied, ‘What are you saying! Though you drive the carriage for me, you are like a partner. Since you understand relationships so well, how could I refuse anything you ask?’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘If San Master is willing to come, then it’s all settled.’ He then added, ‘Tomorrow is my wife’s birthday. We don’t have any close relatives. Lao Da and Lao Er have other matters tomorrow and won’t be able to come, but Lao San will be there. Tomorrow evening, I invite San Master to my home. Lao San will be there, and I will speak with him directly in your presence, and he will follow us back.’ Pan San was delighted and said, ‘Great! If you resolve this matter, I will make sure to take good care of you. I will add an extra string of coins to your monthly pay.’ Zhou Xiao San replied, ‘Thank you very much, San Master.’
The next evening, Zhou Xiao San walked Pan San home. Pan San sat in the main hall while Zhou Xiao San went inside and brought out a cup of tea. Pan San said, ‘Since today is your wife’s birthday, I should offer my congratulations. Please bring her out so I can pay my respects.’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘No need for congratulations. I’ve received so much kindness from you, San Master, I will have her come out and kowtow in gratitude.’ Then he called out, ‘Third Sister, Third Sister!’ From inside, a delicate, soft voice responded, and it sounded pleasant to Pan San’s ears. He heard the rustling of footsteps and saw two silver-tipped fingernails appear at the door. ‘What is it?’ she asked. Zhou Xiao San replied, ‘Third Master is visiting for the first time, and you should come out to greet him. After all, San Master is of an age like our parents, so there’s no need to be shy.’ Third Sister chuckled and said, ‘I’m busy in the kitchen, and I haven’t washed my hands yet. Lao San is always greedy, he can’t help me at all, and now he’s eating half of what I’ve prepared.’ She laughed again and went back inside. Hearing this, Pan San already felt a bit light-headed and thought to himself, ‘What a lovely voice. I wonder what she looks like. If she’s anything like her brother, that would be wonderful.’
Zhou Xiao San pulled the table aside and set out three place settings. Lao San first brought out a wine pot, two cups, and two pairs of chopsticks, followed by four plates of food. Pan San saw that one plate had pickled meat, one had smoked fish, one had sausages, and the last had gluten. Zhou Xiao San poured the wine, and the two sat down. Pan San said, ‘Why not call Lao San to come sit with us?’ Zhou Xiao San called for Lao San, but he replied, ‘I don’t drink.’ Pan San said, ‘Come on, Lao San, have a cup!’ Lao San ignored him and went back inside. Zhou Xiao San said, ‘He’s helping his sister with the food, but he’ll come out soon.’ Lao San then brought out two more plates and two bowls—one plate with stir-fried pork liver, another with stir-fried lamb, one bowl of stewed silver noodles, and another bowl of fried eggplant.
The two of them had been drinking for a while when there was a knock at the door. Someone outside called out, ‘Xiao San! Xiao San!’ Zhou Xiao San quickly went to open the door. Pan San heard someone say, ‘Something terrible has happened!’ He was startled and heard more words being exchanged. Zhou Xiao San said, ‘I’m coming.’ The person replied, ‘Let’s go together, don’t delay.’
Zhou Xiao San came back inside and said to Pan San, ‘Please sit for a while, Third Master. I’ll have Lao San keep you company while I go sort this out and will return soon.’ Pan San said, ‘Maybe I should leave as well.’ Zhou Xiao San replied, ‘There’s no need to rush, I’ll be back in no time.’ Pan San, with his mind on Lao San, was happy to stay, even though he said he was going to leave. His body didn’t move. Zhou Xiao San called Lao San again, but he still refused to come out. Frustrated, Zhou Xiao San cursed, ‘You foolish boy!’ and then called out, ‘Third Sister, come out!’ Third Sister responded from behind the door, ‘What is it now?’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘Your second brother has caused trouble again, and I need to go deal with it. Third Master is here, but Lao San won’t come out. Since Third Master is around fifty years old, you could be like a daughter to him. Be more generous, come out and keep him company. I’ll be back soon.’ Third Sister replied, ‘I’m not good at entertaining guests. I’m a woman, and if I accidentally offend Third Master, wouldn’t that be bad? He might blame you.’
Hearing these words, Pan San felt his heart melt. He eagerly wished for her to come out and quickly added, ‘No need to be shy, I came to congratulate you on your birthday. Please come out!’ Pan San stood up. Third Sister came out smiling, and Pan San was captivated. She had an oval face, almond-shaped eyes, and her hair was styled in a high bun adorned with a flower. She wore a purple floral blouse that had faded to green from washing, and beneath it, faintly visible, were pale blue silk trousers. Her tiny golden lotus feet were no more than three inches long. She had a slim figure, neither too tall nor too short, neither too fat nor too thin. She moved gracefully, her face radiant with a smile. She greeted Pan San with a bow. Seeing her, Pan San’s desire was aroused, and he quickly returned her greeting, inviting her to sit. She didn’t sit but instead said to Zhou Xiao San, ‘You should hurry back. Don’t keep Third Master waiting.’ Zhou Xiao San agreed and said as he left, ‘It will take until the second watch of the night at the earliest before I can return. It’s a journey of five or six miles.’ With that, he rushed off. Third Sister went to close the door, then returned to sit down. Pan San, now smiling eagerly, asked, ‘How old are you this year, madam?’ Third Sister replied, ‘Nineteen.’ Then she added, ‘Third Master, our Xiao San is a rough man and may not have served you properly. We are deeply grateful for your kindness in always looking after him. We have nothing valuable to offer, just this little gesture. The wine won’t make you drunk, and the food won’t fill you up.’ She gracefully picked up the wine pot and poured him a cup.”
Let me know if you’d like further translation!
Here is the paragraph-by-paragraph translation into English:
“Pan San, thrilled yet uneasy, said, ‘Madam, why don’t you sit closer? It’s unsettling to have you working so hard.’ Third Sister smiled and called out, ‘Lao San, third brother, come out!’ Lao San replied, ‘I’m not coming, you entertain him.’ Third Sister laughed and said, ‘You refuse to keep your guest company and expect me to do it for you? No wonder people scheme against you.’ Hearing this, Pan San saw an opportunity and said, ‘Lao San is like family to me, so madam, please sit with me. There’s no harm in it.’ Third Sister replied, ‘Sitting here is just the same.’ Pan San insisted, ‘Though it’s the same, you’re sitting too far away for conversation. Please come closer.’ Third Sister stood up, smiled faintly, and sat down again. Pan San then stood up, poured a glass of wine, and offered it to her, saying, ‘I offer this drink to you, madam.’ Third Sister replied, ‘I wouldn’t dare! Please, Third Master, drink it yourself.’ But as she spoke, she took the cup and said, ‘Why should Third Master be the one serving wine?’ She drank it all in one go, moved closer to the table, wiped the cup with her hand, poured another glass, and said, ‘Third Master, please drink this one.’ Pan San, already intoxicated, replied breathlessly, ‘How could I refuse madam’s kind offer!’ He took the cup and, as he did, gently pinched her wrist. Third Sister lowered her head. Pan San, unable to hold back, put his arm around her fragrant shoulders and said, ‘Please sit down, madam. Don’t hurt your delicate feet by standing.’ Third Sister smiled but didn’t sit next to him.
Pan San asked, ‘Lao San is out every day. Is there anyone else at home? Don’t you feel lonely?’ Third Sister replied, ‘There was an old woman here before, but she left two days ago, and I haven’t hired anyone else yet.’ Pan San said, ‘It must be a stroke of luck for me that you’re preparing things yourself today.’ He poured another drink and handed it to her.
When the wine was finished, Third Sister said, ‘We’re out of wine. Brother, go buy half a jin of good liquor. The wine we had earlier was too weak. Go to the main street to buy it, don’t settle for a small shop.’ Lao San agreed and left, not bothering to light a lantern, taking advantage of the moonlight. Third Sister said, ‘I’ll close the door now; it’ll take him a while to get to the main street.’ Seeing her go to close the door, Pan San thought to himself, ‘This is my chance. This woman is clearly interested in me. I can’t miss this opportunity.’ Third Sister came back and sat down. By now, Pan San was consumed with desire, his face flushed. He approached her and said, ‘Let’s have one more drink, madam.’ He sat down beside her. Third Sister pretended to move away, but Pan San grabbed her sleeve. She lowered her head, laughing softly. Pan San, utterly captivated, gathered his courage, put down his cup, and embraced her with both hands. Third Sister said, ‘Third Master, why are you holding me?’ She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. Pan San hurriedly replied, ‘Oh my, I don’t even know what I’m doing!’ He pulled her onto his lap, intending to kiss her.
Third Sister pushed his face away with one hand and held his hand with the other, saying, ‘You mustn’t do this. Third Master, how improper of you, trying to flirt with a virtuous woman! If I scream, you’ll lose face.’ Pan San pleaded, ‘Please, madam, show me some mercy!’ Third Sister replied, ‘Do you really think you can have me so easily? You’re taking me far too lightly!’ Pan San responded, ‘Madam, as long as you’re willing, anything you say goes.’ Third Sister pushed his face with one hand while feeling for his gold bracelet with the other. Pan San understood and thought to himself, ‘She wants this. I’ll give it to her.’ He immediately took off the bracelet and said, ‘Madam, if you show me kindness and take pity on me, I’ll give you this bracelet. I’ll also reward you handsomely in the future and raise Xiao San’s wages.’ Third Sister took the bracelet, slipped it onto her wrist, and smiled, ‘Thank you. I’ll agree to your request, but don’t tell anyone about this.’ Pan San eagerly promised, trying to pull down her trousers, but Third Sister quickly jumped up and said, ‘Let’s go to the bedroom!’ She walked ahead, and Pan San followed her inside.
Once they were by the bed, Third Sister said, ‘Take off your long robe and let’s have some fun here on the edge of the bed.’ She sat down on one side while Pan San hurriedly undressed, pulling off his trousers. Just as he was about to approach her, he suddenly heard footsteps behind him. Turning around, he was startled to see Zhou Xiao San standing there, glaring at him. Zhou shouted, ‘You despicable bastard! You’re not even human!’ Pan San, shocked, hurried to pull up his trousers. Zhou Xiao San grabbed him by the collar and shouted, ‘How dare you, you scoundrel! You’re a disgrace!’ Pan San stood there, speechless and terrified.
Third Sister quickly intervened, saying, ‘Third Master just needed to relieve himself and was looking for a chamber pot. What are you so upset about?’ Zhou Xiao San replied, ‘Shameless wench! You saw a man and threw yourself at him, and now you’re trying to cover it up in front of me! Where’s the chamber pot, on you?’ Third Sister shouted back, ‘Don’t make baseless accusations!’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘He violated you, and now you’re accusing me of lying? This isn’t something we can settle by talking. Let’s take this to the neighborhood and let everyone judge. I invited you to drink, but you’re here trying to seduce my wife!’ As he spoke, he dragged Pan San toward the door.
Pan San, panicking, said, ‘Xiao San, don’t do this. Let’s talk this over. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have gone into your inner quarters. But we’ve known each other for years, can’t you give me some leeway? There’s no need to make this worse.’ Zhou Xiao San replied, ‘What’s there to talk about? I don’t want this wife anymore. I’ll take both of you to the authorities and let them decide. Whether the verdict is in your favor or mine, we’ll settle it there, not here.’ Third Sister pretended to cry on the side. Pan San, having no other choice, began to beg. Third Sister scolded, ‘You fool! What did I do to deserve this? You think you can just get rid of me like that? Take us to the authorities if you want, I have my side of the story.’ She winked at Pan San, who said, ‘Xiao San, let go of me. We can discuss this properly. I’m willing to talk.’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘There’s nothing to discuss. If you want to settle this, hand over a thousand taels of silver, and I’ll let you off.’ Pan San replied, ‘If it’s money you want, we can talk about that. Let go of me.’ Zhou Xiao San said, ‘Letting you off so easily? Never!’ He then forced Pan San to the ground.”
Let me know if you would like further translation!
Pan San said, “Grandmother, please persuade him.” Xiao San said, “Think about it. If you’re willing to give one thousand silver, then agree to hand it over obediently. If you’re not willing, I’ll tie you up and send you to the authorities.” Pan San replied, “I’m willing! I’m willing! But how can I come up with one thousand silver? I only have promissory notes for three hundred strings of coins, I’ll give those to you.” Xiao San said, “What’s three hundred strings of coins?” The third sister said, “Think about it. The third master has always treated you well. Even if he made a mistake today, you should still consider his past kindness. If you understand gratitude, do you think the third master truly doesn’t know right from wrong?” Pan San said, “The lady is right. I’m someone who values relationships the most. Xiao San, let’s maintain a connection. When have I ever not helped you? Why insist on doing this today?” Xiao San replied, “Alright then, let’s make it clear. Since the person has already been played with, once or a hundred times makes no difference to me. I can’t take off this green hat (a symbol of infidelity). Give me the three hundred strings first, and from now on, you’ll pay sixty strings of coins every month. Do you agree?” Pan San said, “I agree! I agree!” Xiao San released his grip, and Pan San got up, handed over the money notes, and dressed himself. The third sister said to Xiao San, “Light a lantern and escort the third master back to his mansion. He’s been frightened.” Xiao San laughed and said, “Third master, don’t be afraid. We were just playing around.” Pan San finally felt relieved, though his heart was still pounding. He said, “What kind of joke is this? It’s only tolerable once.” Xiao San replied, “From now on, no matter how you act, we won’t joke around like this again.” Pan San finally calmed down. Xiao San went to light the lantern. The third sister said, “Come by tomorrow after breakfast, I have something good for you.” Pan San, who had failed to achieve his goal, perked up at these words and nodded repeatedly. Xiao San led Pan San out, and as the third sister followed, she tugged at Pan San’s clothes and whispered the word “tomorrow.” Overjoyed, Pan San went home, and early the next morning, he sent Xiao San off to the countryside for an errand.
After breakfast, Pan San went to Xiao San’s house. Seeing the door wasn’t latched, he pushed it open and entered. Inside, he saw the third sister sitting in the room, playing with a little dog. Pan San coughed, and the third sister greeted him with a smile.
Pan San said, “I was almost scared to death yesterday.” The third sister replied, “He just wanted money. Did he really intend to arrest you?” Pan San asked, “Is there anyone else here?” The third sister replied, “Who else would be here?” Pan San said, “I’ll go and latch the door.” The third sister said, “It’s warm today, why don’t you take off some clothes to be more comfortable?” Then she added, “I need to relieve myself,” and ran to the backyard to urinate. When she returned, she said to Pan San, “You should undress first and get into bed.” Pan San, not daring to disobey, had just started undressing when he saw the third sister, smiling, holding her pants in both hands as she entered. Feeling reassured, Pan San took off all his clothes, got onto the kang (a heated bed), and covered himself with a blanket. The third sister approached the kang as well.
Pan San said, “Hurry up and come here!” trying to pull her closer. The third sister laughed and said, “Go close the bedroom door.” As she turned, there was a commotion outside. Someone yelled, “Good job!” followed by the sound of footsteps. Pan San, upon hearing this, felt his soul leave his body. Suddenly, Xiao San appeared with his two brothers-in-law, carrying bright, shiny knives and a thick hemp rope. They pinned Pan San down, pulling him off the kang. Xu Lao Er (Xu the second) delivered three or four punches, cursing, “You filthy dog, after violating my brother, you still want to mess with my sister!” Pan San had no choice but to kneel on the ground, kowtowing. Xiao San said, “I spared your life yesterday, and today you’ve come to seek death.” Then they tied up Pan San. Pan San, completely naked, could only beg for mercy. Xu Lao Er said, “You’re so good at violating others’ asses, now it’s time for us to violate yours.” Pan San, in desperation, pleaded bitterly for his life. Meanwhile, the third sister stood by, laughing so hard she was trembling. Xu Lao Er’s second brother extended his middle finger, which looked like a small yellow radish, dipped it in oil from a pot, and stuck it into Pan San’s anus. Pan San screamed “Aiyo” repeatedly. Xu Lao Er then opened a paper package, took out some medicine and hair, and rubbed them together two or three times. Pan San groaned in pain, his legs flailing wildly. Fortunately, his anus was tough from old age, and no blood came out. After Xu Lao Er finished, they released Pan San. He was trembling all over. Xu Lao Er said, “Pan San, do you know your crime? My good brother was raped by you, and justice cannot tolerate such a thing. You even left something in him that will make him sick for life, unable to live as a decent person. So today, we’re returning the favor. Now, you’ll carry the same stigma. Do you think this is fair?”
Pan San bowed his head, speechless. He put on his pants, shoes, and socks, then said to Xiao San, “Since you were seeking revenge, you shouldn’t have taken my money.” Xiao San replied, “What money did I take from you?” Pan San said, “Not only money but also an eight-tael gold bracelet.” Xiao San retorted, “You can go ahead and sue me if you want.” The third sister chimed in, “Pan San, if you’re planning to sue, let me know earlier so I can practice my testimony. That way, I won’t say anything wrong when we go to court.” Pan San, being just one person, couldn’t fight against them, so he had to swallow his anger. On top of that, the pain at his rear end burned like fire, so he wanted to get dressed and leave. But Xiao San stepped forward and snatched his clothes away, saying, “You still want to go out fully dressed?” The third sister said, “Give him the clothes. Let him cover that dog face of his.” Pan San put on his clothes and headed out. As he walked away, he heard the third sister laugh and call out, “Pan San, come back! If you’re free tomorrow, stop by again. I’ll find something to scratch that itch of yours.” The three of them clapped their hands and laughed heartily. Pan San, filled with both shame and anger, fled like a rat.
The four of them—brother, sister, and the couple—continued laughing for a while longer. The third sister said, “We really put Pan San through the wringer. Thanks to Second Brother for being so ruthless.” The second brother said, “I didn’t even use my full strength; I was afraid I might pull his intestines out.” The third sister added, “As for those three hundred strings of coins, I have an idea. I wonder if my two brothers will agree.” The eldest and second brother said, “This whole affair was thanks to you, sister. Whatever you decide, we will agree without hesitation.” The third sister said, “Let’s give one hundred strings of coins to your brother-in-law so he can use it as capital. Then he won’t have to drive carts anymore. Second Brother, you can take thirty strings, and Eldest Brother, you take thirty as well. The remaining one hundred and forty strings should be kept for our third brother as capital for his future. You can find a shop for him to invest in and earn interest. Since this money came because of him, he should naturally get a larger share.”
Both brothers said, “That sounds fair.” Xiao San, who had already exchanged the promissory note with Pan San that morning, had planned this arrangement in advance. He took out the note and handed it to the third sister. After the distribution was settled, the third sister said, “But what’s more pressing is treating our third brother’s ailment. He needs to recover before anything else.”
Xu Lao Da (the eldest brother) asked, “What can we do about that?” The third sister said, “I heard that eating buckwheat noodles can get rid of any pig or sheep hair that’s ingested. You should make some buckwheat dumplings, stuff them with sugar, but don’t fully cook them. Let them remain a bit raw and have him eat them for two days. It might help him expel whatever’s inside.” The two brothers replied, “That’s easy enough. We’ll go back and make some for him to try.” After chatting a bit more, the brothers took their share of the money and left. What happens next? That will be revealed in the following chapter.